September 4, 2013

Bill Nye will be “Dancing With the Stars!” This is exciting, in the sense that the Presence of A ’90s TV Star In Some New Venue is among the subjects that, as an Internet Dweller, I am contractually obligated to become wildly excited about. This list also includes:

• Band that was popular in the ’90s reunites for a minute, tours, ages or makes news in some way.

• Ryan Gosling moves or breathes.

• I just recollected something from the ’90s that I hadn’t thought about in a while!

• Kitten exists.

• Puppy exists.

• Cat exists (lately this has been amended to Cat With Somehow Different Face exists, since the market was getting crowded).

• Former tween star ages.

• Jennifer Lawrence moves or breathes.

• Someone produces GIFs about How Difficult It Is to Be a 20-Something.

• Royal Baby.

• The Olympics.

• SOMEONE HAS BAD GRAMMAR SOMEWHERE.

• General Outburst of Grammar Nazism.

This being said, the presence of Bill “Now My Job Is Mostly to Wander Around Indignant That So Few People Retained My Lessons About Science” Nye on the ABC dancing show — as anyone with any recollections of the episode about Animal Locomotion can tell you — might well be epic.

I look forward to seeing some wild, animal locomotion. There will, at least, be GIFs.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.