December 11, 2013
This was your view, most days. (David Paul Morris/Bloomberg)
This was your view, most days. (David Paul Morris/Bloomberg)

Best Vending Machine Lunch: Beef jerky and fruit snacks, with SunChips
Best Office Snack: Those donuts Carol brought in to share, mid-March
Best Soul-Destroying Realization Brought on By Spending All Your Days in an Office: This is it. This is just life, now. All those people on the subway you used to judge — you’re one of them now, Dave.
Best Dream From Your Childhood You’re Probably Not Going to Pursue: Road-tripping across the country on a motorcycle with your best friend Becky and a dog in a side car
Best More Attainable Dream You Replaced It With: Visiting all the Hard Rock Cafes in the continental United States before you die!
Best Friend You Thought Would Always Be Around But You Really Don’t See Any More: Becky
Best Listicle You Read When You Could Have Been Calling Your Grandma: Film.com’s 50 Best Closing Shots of Movies. Great list!
Best Wedding You Attended This Year Because Apparently This Is When All Your Friends Start Getting Married but I Guess It’s Good They’re Happy: Becky’s, probably.
Best Office Chat With Awkward Stanley: Wednesday, Oct. 9, when you didn’t realize he’d come in until he touched you gently on the shoulder from behind, making you panic and delete your spreadsheet by mistake.
Best Lie: “I’m fine, Mom.”
Best Movie You Were Really Excited About but Then Didn’t Bother Going to See: “Star Trek Into Darkness”
Best Excuse for Not Going Out: I have a friend coming in from out of town and I want to clean up before he gets in.
Best Thing You Drank by Yourself: That entire bottle of white wine on June 11 was pretty good.
Best Reason to Keep Doing This: Maybe a magic arm like one of those arms that rescues stuffed toys from the bottom of stuffed toy machines will reach down into your life and extricate you and lift you into a totally different existence where you matter and people listen and you actually genuinely smile a lot.
Best Realization That You Thought Was Profound That Totally Wasn’t: “Wheel of Fortune” is actually Hangman!

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.