This is news! (E. Zach Dilgard/Associated Press)
This is news! (E. Zach Dilgard/Associated Press)

As Abraham Lincoln would say, “For those who like that sort of thing, that is exactly the sort of thing that they would like.” 

Continuing their joyous reign of commercial glory and wonder, the folks of Duck Dynasty have come out with a line of guns through gunmaker Mossberg.

According to the Duck Commander Web site, “Terms of the multi-year agreement will include focus on the family’s passion of waterfowl hunting, promotion of the shooting sports and family values as well as a series of Mossberg ‘Duck Commander’ firearms.”

As Buzzfeed’s John R. Stanton tweeted when the news that Duck Dynasty had launched its own gun line came out, “kinda shocked they hadn’t yet.” 

After all, they have a line of almost everything else. There’s “Si-Cology 1: Tales and Wisdom From Duck Dynasty’s Favorite Uncle” (sample quote: ‘Hey, I even grew a big beard so people couldn’t call me a bald-faced liar!’) There’s the Duck Dynasty Redneck Wisdom Board Game (just $15.45 on Amazon) and the Duck Commander Devotional. There’s the talking Si “wacky wobbler,” which I think is basically a bobblehead, but it might have untold surprises in store. There’s Duck Dynasty printed duct tape. There’s a decorative Uncle Si chia pet planter that grows a lush green beard if you water it and place it in sunlight. There’s Duck Commander Phil Robertson’s Cajun Style zesty seasoning. There’s tumblers, iPhone covers, action figures, T-shirt after T-shirt after T-shirt, bed rests, Christmas CDs (nobody’s singing the blues on there), wristbands, edible cake toppers (perfect for your wedding to a 15-year-old girl, as Phil Robertson advises!), hair bows (great courting gifts for that 15-year-old!), wallets, watches, throw blankets, cupcake rings, dog tags, garden gnomes and slippers that look like Phil. And that’s leaving aside the tea lights, pink ankle socks for ladies, sheet sets and “role-play beards.” If anything, this raises a question: How did they get to cupcake toppers and ladies’ ankle socks before they got to guns? Is everything a lie? 

Hey, if it sells.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.