“Alas,” you were probably saying, earlier, as you surveyed your domain, “I have so many tiny plastic replicas of women lying strewn on all the multifarious surfaces of my home, but they all have feet too tiny to sustain them at anything approaching the vertical.”

No? Let me try again.

“Gosh,” you were probably saying, as you looked out over the toy aisle. “What on earth is the matter with all these dolls? Where did they get their body models? The clone planet of Kamino, where everyone has giant necks?”

Nope again? Dagnabbit. Look, what I’m getting at is that “Normal Barbie” is finally here.

She is the solution to your problem — and the solution to the actual problem of many people, which is that the fashion doll being sold to your son or daughter has the proportions of a terrifying stick.

There is finally a crowd-funding campaign in place for the doll, the brainchild of artist and researcher Nickolay Lamm. The new doll is called Lammily — she’s based on the CDC’s proportions for the average 19 year-old American female — and her motto is “Average is beautiful.” Average is, indeed, something of a stunner, with the kind of effortlessly glossy hair that I have no idea how you get or maintain if you aren’t sired by a 3D printer. Lammily is a sporty brunette who seems like she’d be a good jogging buddy. I’m sure she’ll be just as much fun to dress up as her terrifyingly elongated counterpart and will be less likely to blow over in high winds.

Here’s the official web site for the crowd-funding campaign, if the idea of a Tiny Plastic Lady With Realistic Proportions appeals to you or your child!

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.