Hipster conservatism.

It’s upon us.

First came the ads, to air in 14 states. They are aimed to appeal to millennials, I guess? Maybe we will like them ironically. That is, I think, their best hope.

Just look at him. Are those even prescription lenses?

This is as though your grandmother assembled this millennial. “Millennials are a bunch of goofs who dress badly and say ‘whatever,’” she informed you, sternly, afterwards. “But we need them to win back the country. So let’s dress up a guy like a goof and tell him to say ‘whatever’! They’ll come flocking!” It is to actual millennials as those wooden ducks decoys are to actual ducks. A little more wooden, if that’s possible.

Here’s the other one:

Of course, this kind of awkward millennial pandering is not unique to one side of the aisle. Remember those awful keg stand Brosurance ads trying to get us to sign up for Obamacare in Colorado?

But whose idea was this?

It is hard not to be put off by ads that seem to have been assembled by someone who has never actually met a Millennial outside of a trend piece or an ad for “Girls” on the subway. They couldn’t even bother to try to catch one in the wild before filming this? If you think this is how millennials sound you’ve only ever read Wall Street Journal essays complaining about frivolous basement-dwelling Generation I, or maybe a Wikipedia entry on millennials, edited aggressively by someone with a chip on his shoulder because a millennial once gave him subpar service at a coffee bar, then struck him with a fixed-gear bike.

This is what happens when instead of trying to appeal to us on a cogent policy level — 55 percent of us enjoy going in-depth on breaking news stories! That’s got to count for something! — and tries to pander to this weird mythological hipster beast.

“My policy preferences are, like, so whatever.”

This is changing no one’s mind. There are better reasons to be a conservative than that someone in glasses and a striped shirt thinks this.

Here’s a spot-on parody from Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.