round of 32

Well, March Madness may be on hold until Thursday, but Awkward March Madness continues strong! The results are in, and the Round of 32 begins today.

Restroom conversation and Reply-All defeated their respective opponents and move on to face each other in the next round.

Talking at the same time as the other person on the phone managed to grab 64 percent of the vote over Facebook pokes, even though I voted for Facebook pokes every time. “[Name] has entered text” beat “[Name] is typing,” winning a robust 65 percent. Forgetting the name of only one of the two people you are introducing to each other looks like the awkward moment to beat, drubbing Liking someone’s grandmother’s death on Facebook with 78 percent to its 22 percent. Next round, it takes on Responding At Length And Pleasantly To Someone Who Turns Out Not To Be Talking To You, which is in good position after taking down That Dance You Do To Pass On The Sidewalk with points to spare (74 to 26). Trying to hold the door for someone who is too far away and forcing them to run to catch it won a handy 72 percent of the vote, placing it up against the perennial awkward champion Left Hanging For A High Five (81 percent), which is in some ways the Duke of Awkward, if Duke had won in the first round the way I expected it to instead of completely ruining my bracket by caving to Mercer.

Texting a wrong number that turns out to be someone you know beat texting a wrong number that is someone you don’t know with the widest margin yet, 94 to 6 percent. When only one of you thinks it’s a date won, as expected, against lying that you’ll get brunch soon (85 to 15).

Somehow, we concluded that the ’80s were more awkward than the ’50s (I guess you had to be there) and the ’80s now rise to take on When You’re Singing To Yourself And Someone Hears You, which narrowly beat Talking To Yourself And Someone Answers in a hard-fought 52-48 victory.

Water wings won as expected, even though elbow pads put up a fight, carrying off 35 percent of the vote. Going for a hug when the other person wants a handshake also defeated Going for a handshake when the other person wants a hug, nabbing 80 percent of the vote. They go up against each other next round, just as Going for a kiss when the other person wants a handshake takes on Being A Tween. Can’t wait to see how this plays out. Life (81%) beat death (19%) and now rises to take on That moment when you realize you’ve run out of conversation (winner of a tight-ish battle against Not Realizing You’ve Run Out of Conversation, 58/42). Good luck, Life!

Telling a joke and no one laughs beat not getting the joke, ruining my bracket, and next round it takes on Elevator Conversation, in general, fresh off victory over the poorly rated Eye Contact.

DOGS BEAT CATS, everyone! Close-fought, though — 52 to 48. Dogs are going to take on Room-elephants next round, which completely drubbed Turtles, 93 to 7. Seventy-four percent of voters agreed that Livejournal was more awkward than Tumblr, so LJ takes on When You’re Talking Just As The Room Goes Quiet.

Good news, Lee Ann Womack: Sitting it out is more awkward than dancing, and next round it takes on Hearing Your Own Voice. But given that there is now no context for Sitting it out and that Hearing Your Own Voice is generally terrible, I don’t have much hope for its progress. Not being able to correct someone’s grammar, but wanting to, managed a narrow win (53 to 47) over actually correcting said grammar. It takes on Mispronouncing a Name next round. Waving back at someone who wasn’t waving at you stayed narrowly ahead of Approaching the Wrong Person From Behind, winning 56 to 44, and now it moves on to battle Trying to end a conversation when the other person doesn’t get it, which beat Voicemail by a surprisingly robust 80 to 20.

Lying is just barely more awkward than telling the truth — 52 to 48 — and takes on Inappropriate Laughter next round. Better luck next time, Your Old Screenname.

In conclusion, vote early, vote often and vote in incognito mode, which seems like the easiest way to make this poll work correctly! Next round begins Thursday!

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.
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