On Monday, President Obama stopped at a Chipotle, and everyone went nuts when it was revealed that he had reached over the sneeze guard. “President Obama Accused of ‘Overreach’ in Chipotle Stop” proclaimed the Wall Street Journal’s Washington Wire blog, while conceding that Rob Portman had breached the sneeze guard barrier before. The impeachment proceedings swiftly began.
We can take a lot from our presidents. Droning — both with expensive military equipment and the other kind. But up with this we cannot put!
It seems as though the president is increasingly in the habit of making these dashes from the White House into the realm of the living.
In the interest of future headlines, here are some other restaurant gaffes the president should avoid:
[Pick your favorites!]
* Stationing himself by the sample tray in Whole Foods and silently eating all the tiny slivers of cheese on toothpicks, then cocking his head to the side as though pondering whether to buy the aforementioned cheese, then walking furtively out of the store without making any purchases.
* Picking up the eggs from the salad bar at Whole Foods with the tongs and inspecting them and then returning them to the salad bar.
* Sitting at Olive Garden in the far corner table all day long and aggressively demanding MORE BREADSTICKS whenever the server comes by.
* At Starbucks, saying something like, “Uh just a coffee, please. One coffee. The medium?”
* Making a 3 a.m. Taco Bell run and demanding “six of everything.”
* Trying to demand the breakfast menu at McDonald’s just a few minutes after the switch and getting really indignant about it. (“You have the materials! They’re always there! I don’t know why you maintain this breakfast autocracy!”)
* Murmuring, “This sandwich really agrees with me,” while eating at Chick-fil-A.
* Getting all the way to the front of the line at Shake Shack and just at that very moment beginning to decide what to order, a process that requires him to ask the person behind the counter a lot of detailed questions about the Shake of the Day.
* Bringing his own irregularly sized cups to 7-Eleven for more manageable Slurpee portions.
* Asking “And where are these sourced?” at Subway, while pointing over the sneeze guard at the olives.
* Trying to order a “venti no whip triple shot caffe vanilla frappuccino” at Dunkin’ Donuts, then awkwardly pretending that his name is “Joe Biden” when he realizes his mistake.