Well, the World Cup is almost over. It’s down to Germany (GER) vs. Argentina (ARG) — for first place, anyway.

“GER vs. ARG” accurately describes my dilemma when it comes to “What do I say about this match?”

My attitude toward the World Cup is well-documented. (If you ever want to get a lot of e-mails announcing that you are What Is Wrong With America And, Indeed, The Reason Why We Aren’t Respected In The World At Large, just write anything criticizing the World Cup, and you are guaranteed dozens! I guess it is good, at least, that we know what the problem is.)

“Why are you even writing about the World Cup again?” you are, doubtless, asking. “Don’t you and your friend Jonathan Swift have innocent babies to tear apart with your ravening maws, you horrible soccer-hating beasts?” (I am paraphrasing a little.) Well, yes, but one gets tired of eating innocent babies after a while.

I balanced my love of flow charts against my feelings for soccer, and this was the outcome. I hope it’s helpful, for anyone else who is in frantic need of a bad reason to hop onto a bandwagon!

Rooting

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.