Yes, “My Parents Open Carry” really does exist.

It is a children’s book. It was co-written by Brian Jeffs and Nathan Nephew (of Open Carry Michigan) and it is a best-seller on Amazon (in Children’s Education and Reference Books on Government). The book’s authors wrote it because, I quote, “We fear our children are being raised with a biased view of our constitution and especially in regards to the 2nd Amendment. Before writing this, we looked for pro-gun children’s books and couldn’t find any.”

This book fills that hole.

The plot summary, from MyParentsOpenCarry.com, states that you can “Come join 13-year-old Brenna Strong along with her mom, Bea, and her dad, Richard, as they spend a typical Saturday running errands and having fun together. What’s not so typical is that Brenna’s parents lawfully open carry handguns for self-defense. The Strongs join a growing number of families that are standing up for their 2nd Amendment rights by open carrying and bringing gun ownership out of the closet and into the mainstream.”

Thank heavens! I frequently lament how closeted gun owners are, and how I seldom hear from them. “You know who I wish we got to listen to more often?” everyone whispers and murmurs. “Gun rights advocates. Especially I wish they addressed the kids more.”

But what about our other constitutional rights?

You think there aren’t enough children’s books advocating the Second Amendment? You should see how few children’s books there are about the Third Amendment!

Clearly, there is a niche that needs to be filled.

Inspired by the runaway success of “My Parents Open Carry” (“Every person should buy 5 copies of this book,” raved James Towle, host of the American Trigger Sports network), here are some new Constitution-centered children’s books I’m working on. Let me know if you want to preorder a copy — OR SIX! (I’m not going to settle for just five.)

My Parents Don’t Quarter Any Troops At All

my parents don't quarter

This book will be instrumental in bringing the non-troop-quartering Americans (an absolutely overwhelming majority of the country) out of the shadows and into the light.

A typical family — or is it? Come join hip tween Justin as he and his parents spend a typical Thursday hanging around their home, where literally ZERO troops are quartered.

No Cruel or Unusual Punishments in This Household

cruel unusual

This family is just a typical American family that believes in the Eighth Amendment, and they are sick of having to hide their light under a bushel basket. Join them as they hang out, run errands and do not put anybody in a pillory or torture him or her on the rack. (A soon-to-be-best-selling sequel to the WE DEFINITELY SUPPORT HABEAS CORPUS series.)

And don’t forget My Parents Believe That The Powers Not Delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

(This was where I abandoned the idea.)

Children’s books about adult issues are not a new phenomenon. Look at Peter Pan, that classic about trying to date a man-child who won’t commit, even though you move to an unclear place and fix up a house for him, or Little Red Riding Hood, about stranger danger, or Snow White, about how you should never leave your apple untended at a party.

I know that children’s books are a nice, simple way of dealing with things kids have to encounter in the world later on, or to explain things that kids are encountering now in a reassuring way. But — isn’t this a little much? Kids have to live with some issues on a daily basis. How should you treat people? How shouldn’t you treat people? What does a family look like? Does everybody poop?

But do we really have to engage our Young Readers in the gun-control debate?

“Keep the culture wars away from kids?” you say. “But what about that book about gay penguin dads? What’s wrong with wanting books that reflect your family and your family’s story?” Well, are the guns really such vital members of the family that they need to appear in the picture book, too? I think it’s possible to reconcile my sense that this is a little much a little soon with the fact that I basically enjoyed “And Tango Makes Three.” But I like any book that contains pictures of penguins.

You don’t see “My Dad Pickets Funerals With A Big Angry Sign” in the picture-book section (although maybe you will, now that I’ve mentioned it). Some issues are for adults.

Maybe it is ridiculous of me to want to reel it in before we wind up with “Heather’s Mom Protests Outside Abortion Clinics” and “Dave’s Mommy Is Right About Global Warming” and “If You Give A Mouse A Government Handout” or “My Two Penguin Dads Open Carry.” Or maybe not. I would buy “My Two Penguin Dads Open Carry” if it had pictures of penguins.

Alexandra Petri writes the ComPost blog, offering a lighter take on the news and opinions of the day.