I interrupt my mission of sweating while watching men in polo shirts not make facial expressions for four-plus hours to bring you this important news, from the Bowie Baysox. It's so important that I'm gonna go ahead and quote large chunks of the greatest press release ever. It's about Bad Breath Night, this Friday at 7:05. Here ya go:
The Baysox will even be giving an award to the person with the worst breath in the ballpark, (yes, we will be checking). We are looking to make this the worst night possible, (for breath that is), so feel free to inhale and exhale at will and fill up the park with oohs and aahs throughout the game.
Our lucky intern, Harrison will be doing breath testing from the first inning through the seventh inning stretch and will be determining the mouth with the worst breath. Fans are encouraged to stop by Harrison's Halitosis Hut until the seventh inning stretch, when the "Worst Breath in the Ballpark" will be determined. If a fan doesn't already have bad breath, not to worry you will have plenty of time to snack on some great ballpark food items such as, Anchovy/Onion and Garlic Pizza , Onion Nachos and Garlic Hot Dogs to get your breath really gnarly for Harrison to test.
There will also be variety of promotions throughout the game that promote bad breath, including an onion eating contest, fish fly, and an orange juice squeeze off....
Following the conclusion of the game, every fan exiting the ballpark will receive a free breath mint, courtesy of the Baysox. Because of course we wouldn't want you to hit the highway with halitosis.
This is me again. Best thing ever, right? Harrison buddy, I'm sure your mother is very proud of you. I would highlight that on my resume, if I were you. And now, I'm going to go sweat some more. Harrison, if you'd like to take a whiff, I'm standing by the 18th fairway. My breath should be fine, but my back is pretty damp.