Anyone with half-a-blog brain knows by now that the American Mustache Institute is running a tremendously wonderful "Best Sports Mustache of All Time" election, a contest that has been mentioned in far too many blogs to list in this space.
What you may not have known is that Aaron Perlut, the Institute's Executive Director, is a Northern Virginian from Fairfax County and thus a well-groomed D.C. area sports fan. I wished to come up with a list of the Best Sports Mustaches in D.C. History, but as a non-native I felt unprepared for the task. So I asked Aaron for help, and thus, we present perhaps the coolest Top 10 list in Bog history. If Aaron has missed any classic D.C. Sports Mustaches, please indicate as much in the comments. And go vote in his contest.
Also, one more note: this Portuguese soccer coach's mustache makes me so, so, so happy. I'd like to petition him for a spot in the Sports Mustache Hall of Scruff.
1. Rod Langway, Capitals: Thick, meaty, rich and delicious. Did Rod even have lips? We are still not certain.
2. Art Monk, Redskins: The most under-appreciated WR in football history had a mustache that was dense enough to store a 10 lb. weight inside.
3. John Lowenstein, Orioles: While his hair faded into shades of grey, the 'stache remained black as night. Real or not - who cares? It's a solid look.
4. Al Bumbry, Orioles: Extended beyond the rim of the lip down Â¼ inch below. Not the full "hoseshoe," but solid enough. A nice touch in adding extra flavor-saving capacity.
5. Joe Jacoby / Russ Grimm, Redskins: They must be listed together. As the two most pivotal Hogs, their mustaches - known as "the sherrif" style - worked together to intimidate defensive linemen, making up for their lack of foot speed.
6. Mike Flanagan, Orioles: A nice, bushy, no-frills 'stache capable of storing nuts and berries for the Winter hibernation period while intimidating hitters.
7. Dennis Martinez, Orioles: Two words: El Presidente'!
8. Ernie Grunfeld, Bullets: While the American Mustache Institute recognizes the greatness of Ernie's soup strainer, we will never recognize the sham that was the changing of the NBA Bullets' name. No fan in their right mind ever, ever recommended the "Wizards" or "Sea Dogs" as a name, so we definitely know that "The Wizards" was dreamed up by an unimaginative Bullets executive. Bullets forever!
9. Rick Dempsey, Orioles: Like his battery mate Flanagan, it had a nice, delicate bush to it.
10. Allen Benson, Washington Senators: While the AMI normally does not recognize a mustache if it is accompanied by any chin coverage, in this historic milestone, we make an exception. From just after 1910 through the start of the 1970s, only one player was documented to have worn facial hair during a game, and none were documented to have worn a mustache. Five-o-clock shadow, yes, but not the full nelson. Only two players dared to step into a dugout during the regular season with a full-grown mustache or beard during that span of time. One of those players was Senators pitcher Allen Benson, who wore a beard and mustache for two games in 1934.
[Final note: I just ran this list past WaPo columnist and always-sports-editor George Solomon, who knows a thing or two about D.C. sports. He was concerned about the omission of Diron Talbert. Never heard of him, but like I said, I'm not from here.]