The thing about great human accomplishments is that only through failure can we appreciate what true success really is.
So it was with this young brave American, wearing stars-and-stripes on his head and Sean Taylor on his heart, who attempted to eat nine pounds worth of cow at Sunday’s Bethesda Big Train Ripken Collegiate Baseball League game.
If he succeeded, everyone in attendance would win a free burger from BGR: The Burger Joint. If he failed, the cows would have died in vain.
“It’s actually like eating Gary Coleman,” the fan muttered, when he was about halfway through the challenge.
And with the hopes and dreams of every Big Train fan riding on his belly, well, the brave young man vomited, and failed.
“I didn’t eat it all,” he told the team after the game (video below). “It’s a big burger. Whoever can do that, I respect them. That’s tough.”
He was asked when he might eat again.
“I don’t know, as you may have seen I lost quite a bit of that burger towards the end of it,” the fan said. “I don’t know, maybe tomorrow morning.”
Then he flashed a bottle of Pepto.
“It’s gonna be quite a night tonight, I can assure you of that,” he said.
And the team displayed the magnanimous spirit that summer-league baseball and gluttony are known for.
“Our contestant couldn’t finish all 9lbs but everyone still gets a free burger from @BGRBurgerJoint in Potomac!” the Big Train wrote on Twitter.
By the way, Monday is D.C. Sports Night at Povich Field. Gary Clark will be there, and kids in D.C. sports jerseys get in free.