Kegasus missing; Preakness unveils two potential replacements


Well, there’s news afoot. Just 11 months after he was introduced, the dude has evidently disappeared.

From the press release:

Today, the International Brotherhood of Mythical Creatures (IBOMC) announced that Kegasus, the Lord of the InfieldFest at the Preakness, is officially missing. The last time he was seen was in Shackleford’s stall for the Preakness after-party on May 21st, 2011. Two days later, he tweeted (@AllHailKegasus) his plans to travel to the British West Indies with an “unnamed supermodel.”...

The IBOMC was established to protect the interests of mythical creatures everywhere and to clearly define each member’s role. At the very core of its by-laws, members are forbidden from performing the duties of another member. However, in light of Kegasus’ absence, the union has been placed in a precarious position as two of its members have stepped forward in an attempt to assume the title of Lord of the InfieldFest.

The Leprechaun and the Easter Bunny are each using personal assets to launch PR campaigns to make the public aware of their respective platforms. The IBOMC plans to convene an emergency board meeting to review its bylaws concerning the matter.

Well, sure they do. And yes, I’m writing a blog item about a made-up press release involving the made-up campaigns of two made-up characters to replace a made-up disappearance by a made-up half-centaur half-Baltimorean who once said that his “man stall” was the “perfect place to chillax.”

Anyhoo, the Leprechaun’s Facebook page, somewhat unbelievably, is called “Tall Where It Counts.” The Easter Bunny is going with “Bunny Makin Money.”

The Bunny’s site says she once “was a hot mess” with a habit of “sniffing glitter glue” and that “life felt as meaningless as a basket of plastic grass.” The Leprechaun, meanwhile, creates abstract art from Lucky Charms, gained six pounds while on “The Smallest Loser” and was a flop on “Riverdancing with the Stars.”

Something something something about horse-racing.


Dan Steinberg writes about all things D.C. sports at the D.C. Sports Bog.

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