This Wall Street Journal story about Arizona Diamondbacks bullpen catcher and “human garbage can” Jeff Motuzas is amazing in many ways. I mean, any story that involves regurgitated yogurt on potato chips and chewing tobacco dip spit mixed with three-day old chili is well worth your time.
But as a Washington sports fan, you’ll be most intrigued by the starring role played by your Opening Day starter, Livan Hernandez.
Pitcher Livan Hernandez became something of a sadistic benefactor when he arrived in Arizona in 2006. Motuzas said Hernandez once paid him $3,000 to drink a gallon of milk in 12 minutes. The two also hammered out a deal that permitted Hernandez to punch Motuzas in the groin for $50 a pop whenever he felt the urge. Motuzas would receive a $300 bonus after every 10th punch....
Things got really interesting one season when Hernandez got his hands on some rubber nunchucks. (”A gift from a fan,” former Diamondbacks pitcher Brandon Webb said.) Hernandez, who now pitches for the Washington Nationals, would put them to use now and then by blindfolding Motuzas. “And then he’d come up and whip the s--- out of me,” said Motuzas, who was compensated for this, as well. “That was just his thing. Great guy, though.”
Hernandez declined to comment to the Journal. Can’t imagine why. Also, I would totally drink a gallon of soy milk in 12 minutes for $3,000. The nunchucks thing, probably not.