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Posted at 09:33 AM ET, 06/05/2007

Today's Top Five: Rating the Hershey Hawks

But first, a programming note. Having entered the first eBay auction of my life, I find myself the proud winner of the Michael Vick "ha-ha-joking-innocent-until-proven-otherwise" dogfighting t-shirt found by Winning the Turnover Battle. The winning bid was $9.95, which seems fairly appropriate for a t-shirt that I will wear once on regional cable and then give away to a certain Washington Post copy editor who accepts all t-shirts.


1) Answering my desperate plea for the truth, The Peerless ranks the Hershey Bears Mohawks, which makes me giddy with anticipation for Game 6. For example:

Scott Barney...easily the most fearsome 'hawk of them all. Scott pairs the ancient ferocity of the Mohawk style with the menacing look of the muttonchopial growth surrounding cheek and chin. He looks like a guy who would make bouncers shiver, which The Peerless supposes is the whole point of the exercise.

I can think of no reason the playoff mohawk should not supplement the playoff beard in future springs.

2) Deuce of Davenport is all hot and bothered over a Montana sportscaster attempting some donkey basketball. True story: my high school regularly hosts donkey basketball fundraisers. All the teachers get out there on the donkeys. My mom reports that the clean-up is the most interesting part of the exercise, if you get her drift.

3) After I made the groundbreaking argument that Melinda Doolittle was the San Antonio Spurs of American Idol, or possibly vice versa, you knew that I'd have to link to Rumors and Rants, as they argue that the Spurs are actually Nickelback. And then assign musical acts to all of the NBA's dynasties. And the great thing about this is, the summer is only just beginning, giving us two more months to try to entertain ourselves.

4) Yesterday, Levale Speigner was supposed to run for president. Now, Distinguished Senators is trying to explain that Speigner is actually a golem, a mystical figure from Jewish folklore. And the great thing about this is, the summer is only just beginning, giving us two more months to try to entertain ourselves.

(Also: Lion in Oil looks at Dr. Samkon Gado, The Nationals Enquirer knows who the Nats are taking in the draft, and D.C. Optimist is making frequent, obscure references to Blog Show and Tom Boswell.)

5) BobbyBoswell.com engages local radio personality and frequent Bog plaything Roche in a shooting contest. First NFL paintball battles, and now soccer-vs.-radio amusement park shooting contests. I didn't understand the judging; If I were Bobby, I would have been playing under protest, but he seemed to have a proper respect for the officiating. More than this guy, that's for sure.

By  |  09:33 AM ET, 06/05/2007

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