Things that are depressing: D.C. sports imploding.
Things that are more cheerful: D.C. sports personalities gnawing at each others' necks.
And thus, enough with the Redskins and Wizards for a minute, and let's get back to Kornheiser vs. Wise vs. Kornheiser. It's a heckuva lot more fun.
Michael Wilbon was on 106.7 The Fan's LaVar and Dukes Show Friday afternoon, and Chad Dukes wisely asked him about D.C.'s hottest sports feud.
"Mike, I gotta ask you about a situation you are very close to," Dukes began. "We've become friends with Mike Wise; he's a great dude, I really like him. I love your show with Tony Kornheiser and enjoy reading him. This rift of theirs, you know both of these guy, they are talking about it on the radio. What is your take on all that?"
"I have two words," Wilbon responded: "STEEL CAGE!!!"
"Lets go rent a steel cage. I told both of them, I love this, I want the steel cage. I just want to be the special referee....Tony says, 'I noticed that LaVar and Wise are teammates, just remind him how much fun I had with him on Dream Job....Steel cage. I talked to Wise today. As the people will know, I'm employed by ESPN and the worldwide leader, I can't go on sort of against Tony. Tony has me on, there is an exclusivity there so I can't be on with Mike Wise. I want to be; I convinced Mike Wise to come to Washington. Ask him to tell you that story sometime. But Tony is one of my dearest friends and has been for my whole time in Washington, a mentor first and then one of my dearest friends the last 30 years. I told both of them--so I'm not talking behind anybody's back--that I want the steel cage, and I think we can work out some rules, and LaVar and I may have to keep some peace if it gets out of hand. That's what I'm looking for."
I mean, I'm in. I'm totally all in for this idea. I'll be the towel boy or the ring girl or whatever.
Anyhow, if you're listening really carefully, both men continue to drop sly references to Steel Cage '09. Like, on Tony's ESPN 980 show last Thursday, there was some sort of discussion of Rachel Ray taking the high road vis-à-vis Martha Stewart.
"Took the high road, and can't we all learn from that?" Tracee Hamilton said, to general laughter. "No, I'm not looking at you particularly, I'm just saying, can't everyone out there learn from taking the high road?" she continued.
"I'm out there on the high road," Kornheiser said. "Me and Denny Green. We're on the high road. I'm doing the best I can to stay on the high road. Because It's not my instinct. It's not my instinct to be on the high road, but what do I care? I've got a radio show, I've got a television show. Life's good. Ratings are zooming. ZOOMING. AM radio, are you kidding me? We are exploding."
Wise, meantime, did an impersonation of a British sidekick he called Jeeves, or some such. Like Wilbon said, Steel Cage.