I normally think obsessive sports fandom is great, but I’m starting to worry a little bit about Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. Maybe he needs to chill on the Natitude for a few weeks. Read some Pynchon or something. Tune into the NBA playoffs. Dust off the grill. Just something else.
Because it seems like every other day, Reid is talking Nats on the Hill. It’s good to have a work-fandom divide. Separate spheres. Trust me.
Wait, that sounds familiar. Oh yeah, I wrote the exact same words two months ago, when Harry Reid was comparing Barack Obama to Davey Johnson in arguing that the Senate needs to speed up its nomination approval process.
Reid was arguing about that topic again on Thursday, and evidently his speechwriters were too busy voting Ian Desmond into the All-Star game to come up with new material, so he went with the same analogy, even going so far as to mention the same two players he mentioned in May. Watch the video here.
Please, sir, tell us how the Shark fits into this analogy. Dissect the Scott Hairston addition. Make a joke about Dan Haren. Just do something different.
“No president can safeguard America’s national and economic security to the best of his or her ability without their chosen team in place,” Reid began. “So Mr. President, let’s see if we can come up with an example. Davey Johnson is the manager of the National Mets [?], this team that we’re so happy to have here in Washington. He’s here as manager of that team, to field a winning team.
“He was a starting second baseman for the Baltimore Orioles when they won four American League pennants, two World Series championships, has managed five different baseball teams. He’s two-time manager of the year, led the Mets to the 1986 World Series as the manager. And last year he took the Nationals to the franchise’s first division title since 1981.
“Now Mr. President, Major League Baseball’s season begins about April 1. Now imagine the front office of Major League Baseball calling up Davey Johnson around the first of April and saying Davey, I know that that first baseman, you just signed him a week or so ago, Adam LaRoche, is a really a good first baseman. He’s swell. Golden glover, classic power hitter. But sorry to tell you that he can’t play until maybe the middle of June. And then Davey Johnson’s called again by the same man, who says that third baseman, Ryan Zimmerman, I know you like him. He’s a man who won the Silver Slugger award. He’s been a golden glover, an All-Star. But I’ll tell you what, you can play him as soon as the All-Star break’s over.
“Mr. President, what would happen to that team? They would go on, they would perform, just like President Obama’s done, but they don’t play to their ability. And that’s ridiculous, that that’s where we are. But that’s exactly what Republicans are saying to President Obama: you can’t have your team until we tell you everything is just fine, and it’s going to take a long time for us to tell you that.”
Tune in next week, when Reid says the exact same thing. Actually, don’t bother tuning in. I’ll just transcribe it again.