Joe Gibbs was ‘roasted’ by several of his ex-Redskins players, media stars and family members at Landsdowne Resort on Thursday night, as part of the Michael Wilbon and James Brown celebrity golf weekend thing to raise money for DC-CAP.
The D.C. College Access Program was established in 1999 to help get D.C. public school kids in and out of college. WaPo honcho Don Graham is a major backer of the charity and the event, but he didn’t ask me to write anything about it, and he won’t be my boss soon enough, at which point I can make fun of his hairdo in peace.
Anyhow, Wilbon and Brown recruited a pretty good stable of roasters, including Joe Theismann, John Riggins, Jeff Bostic, Dexter Manley, Doug Williams and Clinton Portis. There was also a taped message from Tony Kornheiser, who was in my opinion the funniest roaster, probably because he’s paid to be funny into a mic.
After it was over — and I will clearly write more about all of this — Gibbs responded to each of his roasters in turn. He started with Kornheiser. I will too, because as we all know, Kornheiser = Web traffic. And I should make clear that while there was plenty of truth in all of the stories, everything was said in good fun. For example, there were multiple jokes about Dexter Manley’s literacy.
Anyhow, here’s Gibbs. Please bear in mind that when he was speaking in Kornheiser’s voice, he actually attempted to speak with Kornheiser’s accent.
“Let me start with Kornhheiser, okay?” Gibbs said. “All right, this guy, you know what this guy knows about football? Zero. Zero. So I’m in Washington, I’m coaching there, all of the sudden I pick up the paper one day — it’s about the third year I was there — and I’m reading this ‘column’ by this guy Kornheiser. This thing goes for two columns; it is ripping me, you know what I mean?
“So I said to myself — it’s one of those things — I’m getting this guy. And so I say where’s Kornheiser? And they said, he doesn’t come out here. That was my first hint. That was my first hint.
“I finally find him. Okay, he made the mistake of coming one day. I grab him, I get him off in a corner, I say what’s the deal, man? He said hey, I’m just a columnist. It’s Just. An. Opinion. I said so what you’re telling me is you know nothing about this, you’ve done no research, and yet you wrote three columns in The Post, on me, ripping me. And he goes yeah, you got it.
“So I said hey I’m telling you something right now – I was so mad, I pointed my finger at him – and I said you need to put above your column I’ve done no research, I know nothing about this and this is just my opinion, okay? Otherwise people will think you know what you’re talking about.
“Now, it goes about three or four weeks, and I happen to walk out at Redskins Park, and he was sitting there on the couch. And I went, I finally got something done. He’s out here to do research. So I said hey, you finally came out, you’re doing some research. He looked at me, and he goes nah, I already wrote the article. So anyhow, I got that out of the way on Kornheiser: He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”