When the Potomac Nationals released their 2014 promotional schedule, two dates stood out: the Jayson Werth Wolf-a-rine giveaway, and the Jayson Werth BobbleBeard giveaway. We’ve already seen and read about the Wolf-a-rine, which sounds truly spectacular. But that half-man/half-wolf masterpiece is but a pale moon next to the BobbleBeard and its accompanying festivities.
You have no idea.
“The Jayson Werth BobbleBeard, complete with faux hair, is the centerpiece surrounding Beard-A-Palooza Weekend at The Pfitz from Friday, June 13th to Sunday, June 15th,” the team explained in an e-mail.
Wait, faux hair?
“Actual furriness coming out of the BobbleBeard,” spokesman Bryan Holland further explained.
Wait, Beard-a-Palooza? Read on:
After some furry Friday the 13th festivities, the first 1,000 P-Nats fans through the gates on Saturday the 14th will get to take home the hairy beast that is the BobbleBeard, and the prickly pageantry continues into Sunday.
The Potomac Nationals’ Beard-A-Palooza will feature a to-be-announced bearded celebrity, and P-Nats Nation is encouraged to bring their beards to the ballpark all weekend. There will also be incentives for fans to emulate their favorite bearded celebrities.
Beard-A-Palooza will also encompass the Beard Olympics, which includes the following competitive events: Best Overall Beard, Best Look-Alike Beard, Most Decorative Beard, Fastest Beard, and Strongest Beard.
No Beard-A-Palooza would be complete without dedicating some whiskers of the game presentation to an “Ode to the Best All-Time Beards” in addition to a beard tasting.
That’s right…a beard tasting.
Wait. A beard tasting? What’s a beard tasting? Glad you asked.
Well, I’m glad. You won’t be.
“A beard tasting is when fans sign up to be blindfolded and sample different substances right off of the beards to win cash,” Holland explained. “You’ve never seen this before anywhere.”
Nope. I don’t reckon I have. In all my years of conducting high-level journalism, I have never covered baseball fans eating food off beards for real cash prizes.