Among the biggest mysteries of this NBA offseason — where will LeBron land, where will ‘Melo land, where will Bosh land, what team will Cowboys fans cheer for if LeBron leaves Miami — none were more mysterious than Marcin Gortat’s pig.
You remember the pig, yes? Gortat posted a photo of himself with the porker on his Instagram account last month, writing “I’m telling y’alllll ….I’m unreal with some things in poland !!! Right here chilling with my puppy in shoping [sic] center in poland!”
Now, I kind of thought at first that this was a staged gimmick of some sort, like announcing your free-agent plans during a televised special. But then Gortat and His Pig ran rampant over sports web sites, and I sort of deluded myself into believing that yes, maybe the Wizards big man actually had brought a hog on a leash to a shopping center in Gdansk while looking for shoes.
Thursday was the press conference to officially announce Gortat’s new contract with the Wizards. Alas, the pig was never mentioned, at least by the press. One reporter did ask about the photos of Gortat and friends riding well-armed military vehicles to his charity basketball game, a question which led Gortat to joke about upcoming porcine inquiries, but then the press conference ended before barnyard animals could be discussed.
Well. Luckily Gortat went on 106.7 The Fan later Thursday, and host Chad Dukes made sure to get everyone’s pig questions answered.
“Ok, first of all it wasn’t my pig,” Gortat said. “It’s kind of unbelievable, because we found the pig in a shopping center. Some people brought a pig to the shopping center. There was some kind of a charity event, raising money for animals, and they brought a pig. I couldn’t believe I’m actually looking at a pig. And my friend had to really pinch me and say listen, this is really a pig. So that’s why we decided to take a picture for Instagram. We thought we’re gonna make some noise, and actually, yeah, we really made it.”
Indeed, the photo attracted nearly 3,000 likes, and what felt like as many blog posts. Alas, there will probably not be a follow-up photo, unless Gortat encounters a pig at Tysons Corner, or takes a trip to the Montgomery County Agricultural Fair.
“I don’t know what happened with pig,” Gortat admitted. “I hope she’s still alive. We just took a picture. It was a really strong pig. I donated like thirty dollars, I grabbed the leash for the pig and it was funny because the pig was really pulling me. And the trainer that was standing with that pig told me listen, give her a little treat. And I was like, no no, I’ll leave that treat for you, you can do that feeding stuff.’ ”
Of course, Gortat’s social media activity hasn’t been limited to photographs with strong pigs. He’s also commented on Washington’s roadways. After telling Sports Illustrated that “every street’s got literally holes that you can crack your whole freakin’ car,” he wrote on Twitter that the District should “fix the roads!!!!” if it wanted to woo him back.
“Obviously there’s a lot of different holes in the streets,” he told Dukes on Thursday. “And you can fix the streets, or just pay me a lot of bucks and I’m gonna buy new rims every time. Two different ways. I guess they went with option two.”
And as for those rumors that Miami would try to recruit him to help give James a stronger supporting cast? Gortat treated those rumors like a pothole would treat the rims of a car carrying a man holding a pierogi-eating pig.
“You know what, I heard something day before free agency, but I personally never got a phone call from anybody,” Gortat said. “Obviously it was just some kind of rumors. And at the end of the day, I don’t know if I want to jump in on the wagon with LeBron James and everybody else. I want to build my own wagon, here in Washington. I want to do my superstar thing with Bradley [Beal] and John [Wall].”