Dr. Gridlock believes in Santa

(Andres Kudacki/ Associated Press) (Andres Kudacki/ Associated Press)

Dr. Gridlock drank the Kool-Aid several generations ago: Chubby guy with white whiskers and a red suit drops down the chimney and delivers all sorts of great gifts before dawn on Christmas. It’s a simple concept. Okay, a little fuzzy on the details. But Dr. Gridlock believes.

But the old Gridster has to wonder when UPS says it’s going to pick up 34 million packages worldwide today, and another 29 million tomorrow. And the National Retail Federation predicts a 3.9 percent increase in U.S. holiday sales. The Buster Brown company says it will hire 55,000 holiday season people as drivers, helpers, sorters, loaders and unloaders.

So, where does Santa fit in? Has he been reduced to a semi-retired old dude who just makes cameos at the Mall and on Christmas eve. Has he left all the heavy lifting to UPS and Fed Ex? Should Dr. Gridlock continue to believe?

Because Dr. Gridlock believes editors almost as much as he believes in Santa, he consulted Francis Pharcellus Church, an editor of The Sun newspaper in New York city in 1897:

“Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to hire men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas Eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.”

With our faith restored, we have demanded that UPS tell us whether those 34 million packages are for real, and just where are they going?



Ashley Halsey reports on national and local transportation.
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