I hate to give the ESPYs much attention. They’re a slurpfestapalooza, a publicity-seeking exercise that just might lift the spunky little network responsible for them to real sports prominence. Gosh, I hope so.
But when an athlete shows up on the red carpet in a spux — a spandex tuxedo — you pretty much have to slam on the brakes, roll down the window and throw that notion right out.
Ladies and gentlemen, behold San Francisco Giants reliever Brian Wilson.
After the visual impact wore off, it got a little weird when Wilson, like all sportlebrities, was asked to describe his outfit.
“Well, I have a seal skin tuxedo suit with the orange — very appropriate — bow tie,” Wilson said (via Big League Stew) the day after earning a save in the National League’s All-Star Game victory. “It's a onesie, so it has built-in gloves that are a little dirty because I've been getting a little awkward here on the carpet. And I've got my cougar cane — my 'plus one' tonight.”
A cougar cane. Um, okay.
“And the socks came in the fan mail from a San Francisco Giants fan. You know who you are, thank you,” Wilson said. “It said: ‘Enjoy.’ That was the letter. And I'm currently enjoying them. Ninja socks.”