The vuvuzela is so 2010. What will replace it at World Cup 2014?

(Getty Images)

Four years ago in South Africa, the vuvuzela became the World Cup’s silly, annoying sideshow. Several coaches and players called for the long plastic horns to be banned, as players had trouble communicating on the field, and ESPN producers worried that the constant, locust-like buzzing would drown out their announcers.

But what will torment our ears at this year’s event in Brazil? A look at the contenders, some of which should be banned immediately.

First up is something called the diabolica, which pretty much sums it up. It’s Belgian-made and can fit in a pocket. Ban it now, FIFA.

In December, the Associated Press reported that something called the caxirola (ka-SHE’-rah-luh) would be the “official noisemaker” of the World Cup, and that experts contend “it would take about 2,000 of the maracalike caxirolas to emit the same noise as one vuvuzela.”

This is slightly more enjoyable, but will undoubtedly become annoying by the second half of Brazil-Croatia on June 12. Ban it.

Next up, the human voice and hands. Underrated noisemaking game. Un-bannable.

After spending the first 17 years of his Post career writing and editing, Matt and the printed paper had an amicable divorce in 2014. He's now blogging and editing for the Early Lead and the Post's other Web-based products.
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Marissa Payne · May 13, 2014