Eight questions about the Daily Beast’s ranking of D.C. as the ninth-drunkest city in America, behind boozy cities like Boston, Milwaukee and New Orleans:
1. Which is the drunkest breed of D.C. drunk: The soused lobbyist on K Street, staring forlornly into a glass of very expensive scotch, or the interns who stumble down 18th Street after a night of mediocre Instagrams? Or maybe it’s our woo-girls? Or maybe it’s our politicians?
2. Follow-up question: Which of these D.C. drunks is the most fun?
3. Which D.C. bar is most densely populated with the five percent of the population classified as heavy drinkers — likely the Daily Beast’s very polite way of saying “alcoholics”? Identify yourselves and your haunts.
4. Really? Washingtonians drink less than people from Hartford/New Haven, Connecticut? Important question: Have we been underestimating Connecticut?
5. Of the average 15.6 drinks Washingtonians consume every month, according to the survey, how many of those are DC Brau?
6. Given that this list is based in part on stats from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, is our ranking something to celebrate, or should it be met with a few recitations of the Serenity Prayer?
7. Does this clickbaity list merit a bigger eyeroll than the list that said H Street was D.C.’s sixth-most-hipster neighborhood in America, or a more subtle one?