In the warped universe where this American currently resides, there remains only one heroic person brave enough to save our beloved United States from secretly being taken over by a falafel-eating, Mecca-praying and Ramadan-fasting cabal of sinister Muslims duplicitously bent upon imposing Islamic sharia law upon our golden shores.
Nope, the hero of this story is not Jason Bourne. Her name is actually Michele Bachmann.
I have to admit, congresswoman. As a card-carrying member of this fictitious Muslim secret society, you caught us red-handed. But, now I do have to ask you:
“What gave us Muslims away?”
Was it our overwhelming two members of the House of Representatives (out of a total of 435 members)?
If not, might it have been our staggering number of zero senators?
Wait, that’s not it either? Could it be our zilch Muslim governors?
Or maybe its our total lack of members of the U.S. Supreme Court?
Either way, Congresswoman Michele Bachmann’s latest mission of anti-jihad holy war against the Islamization of America took place when she recently led four conservative members of Congress in making claims that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s aide Huma Abedin and her family had ties to Egypt’s Muslim Brotherhood. She further questioned whether Mrs. Abedin is “part of a nefarious conspiracy to harm the United States by influencing U.S. foreign policy with her high-level position at the State Department.”
“The [State] Departments Deputy, Chief of Staff, Huma Abedin, has three family members – her late father, her mother and her brother – connected to Muslim Brotherhood operatives and /or organizations. Her position affords her routine access to the secretary and to policy making,” according to the June 13th letter signed by Michele Bachmann, Trent Franks (R-AZ), Louie Gohmert (R-TX), Thomas Rooney (R-FL) and Lynn Westmoreland, (R-GA).
Soon thereafter, in a brave (and uncommon) move by a national Republican leader, former presidential candidate Senator John McCain (R-AZ) took to the floor of the Senate to publicly and forcefully condemn Bachmann.
During his floor speech against Bachmann, McCain defended Abedin, calling her “an intelligent, upstanding, hard-working and loyal servant of our country and our government, who has devoted countless days of her life to advancing the ideals of the nation she loves and looking after its most precious interests. That she has done so while maintaining her characteristic decency, warmth and good humor is a testament to her ability to bear even the most arduous duties with poise and confidence.”
“These sinister accusations rest solely on a few unspecified and unsubstantiated associations of members of Huma’s family, none of which have been shown to harm or threaten the United States in any way,” continued McCain. “These attacks on Huma have no logic, no basis and no merit. And they need to stop now.”
But, Senator McCain, our crusading congresswoman cannot stop now that the Muslim holy month of Ramadan has begun. If Michele Bachmann stops her anti-Muslim witch hunts right now, our children will soon be living in an America with a kabob stand and hookah bar on every street corner.
You see, the Muslim holy month of Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar year. This month for Muslims is the equivalent of Lent for Catholics and Yom Kippur for Jews. For over a billion people worldwide, this time serves as a time for self-reflection, gratitude, charity and atonement. Sounds suspicious, right?
The religious concept of fasting in Islam symbolizes many things. First and foremost, fasting allows one to truly appreciate the great bounties bestowed upon all of us every day. By abstaining from what we love and survive upon, one garners a greater appreciation for the blessings bestowed upon us that we tend to take for granted on a regular basis. For Muslims worldwide, the month of Ramadan serves as a remembrance that there are many people on Earth who do not have the same luxuries that we normally take for granted within our charmed lives.
So as nearly 7 million American Muslims spend the next thirty days abstaining from food and drink in order to recalibrate our spiritual equilibriums, we can sleep better at night knowing that our American way of life is being protected from spooky Muslims by a self-appointed vigilante congresswoman who may think she is Jason Bourne; but who actually looks a lot more like the second coming of Joseph McCarthy in a red, white and blue dress.
Arsalan Iftikhar is an international human rights lawyer, founder of TheMuslimGuy.com and author of the book “Islamic Pacifism: Global Muslims in the Post-Osama Era.”