I don’t normally pay a whole ton of attention to The Hill’s 50 Most Beautiful People list, because it’s not really my bag. It’s a bit of a popularity contest for federal D.C., which is fine on its own, just not something that’s ever grandly drawn my interest. But I had a friend in it this year, so, I decided to give the list a look. One thing immediately struck me: relationship status.
What possible reason could that be on there for? It just feels like an invitation for a disaster. What’s so funny about these is that clearly, they left them open for the subjects to describe themselves. And while most read with the typical mediocrity of “single,” “married,” or “in a relationship,” they are a healthy amount of gems that lead to the inevitable amounts of speculation that I’m not sure many people want to open themselves up to. God forbid there’s a discrepancy between what it says here and say, your Facebook page. Because you know people will be stalking.
Basics like “engaged,” and “boyfriend” seem perfectly harmless, until you see some of the other descriptions. For one, God forbid an engagement goes sour or whatever. Hey, it happens. But I guess you have no real choice in that situation because not disclosing said info would probably make your partner pretty unhappy.
“Live in boyfriend,” is a personal favorite. Sends the message of, hey, it’s serious, but don’t walk up to me in the street trying to holler at me. I wonder how the other live-in boyfriends on the list feel about that detail potentially not getting included. “Girlfriend of four months,” another guy’s reads. Oh, just wanted to make sure that people knew it wasn’t really a long-term thing, yet?
“Boyfriend of 3 years,” one woman’s says. Pardon me, are y’all waiting around for something? Maybe I want to judge you based on your age and relationship decisions per my own silly standards of what makes sense, folks. I can’t do that if I don’t know if you all live together or not!
In all seriousness, though, Sen. Cory Booker’s might be the strangest. “Unmarried,” it says. That’s such an old-school term that is dripping with shame. I’m not even really sure what that means, technically. One person declined to disclose, which I’m just going to assume means they replied with the completely sensible answer of “that’s none of your business.” I respect that, big time. “Seeing someone,” another says. Nice and vague.
The final tally, according to a release is: Single, 22; In a relationship, 14; Married, 10; Engaged, 3; Private, 1.
Everyone’s definition of beauty is obviously different, and this list is just a light-hearted look at the people in and around a city that often takes itself way too seriously on multiple fronts. In what I’ll call a “post-Bachelor” world in which the typical trappings of what does and does not define “a relationship” in the traditional sense, asking people about their situation is particularly hilarious.
I just hope it works out for everyone. Because it really has nothing to do with anything.