Valentine’s Day is coming up.
I know this because I go to CVS a lot these days and while en route to my destined purchases (Robitussin, Advil, Cold-EEZE, Tylenol PM and the other necessities of parenting in winter), I have noticed the red bunting.
I normally don’t pay much attention to the holiday since my husband and I haven’t recognized it in years. Who has the time for such commercialized frivolity? (Plus, it’s on a Tuesday this time — a day about as romantic as a shower cap.)
Our big plans were probably going to involve take-out and a Downton Abbey catch-up session.
Is that sad? I didn’t think so. I assumed it was the comfortable post-kids marital reality of Feb. 14.
That is until yesterday when I came across the popular DC Urban Moms and Dads online conversation thread that is asking local parents to “Describe your sex life with a movie title.”
A few of the anonymous answers are below. (Warning: If you happen to be contemplating marriage, stop reading now.)
You kept reading, so here they are:
“I’m Not There”
And, possibly the most depressing:
“Okay, so these are TV shows but just so apt: Deadwood, Bored to Death.”
In 2010, Self magazine surveyed women about their intimate lives. Woman without kids reported more sex frequency, but the married-with-kids’ numbers were not “Deadwood.”
Thirty-nine percent of them reported having sex one to two times a week. Twenty-eight percent of married women with kids reported having sex a few times a month.
Sex frequency does not, of course, reflect the true nature of a relationship. But, the DCUM answers do speak to the reality that parenting can be an exhausting exercise that takes a brutal toll on a marriage. Few of us find the time and energy to devote much attention to the other adult at home.
Maybe Valentine’s Day, as corny as it is, is a good time to try — just for a few hours — to recognize that most married parents began as two adults who chose to be with each other.
Even if there’s not room on this particular weeknight for “Crazy, Stupid, Love,” there might be enough to step it up to something resembling a “Date Night.”
What’s your movie title? What are your Valentine’s Day plans?