“Scandal,” Kerry Washington’s D.C.-set drama based loosely on the life of crisis-management ninja Judy Smith, is reeeeaaallly dumb, says Hank Stuever — but in a good way. “It eats your brain with a spoon. And for some reason, you don’t care. Once in a while, it’s nice to have your brain eaten with a spoon.” D.C. is the barest presence in this show, clearly filmed elsewhere: Kerry “gets from Union Station to Georgetown in nanoseconds and always arrives with perfect, expensive hair that has never know the terror of a raindrop or 93 percent humidity.” Her clandestine lover: “President Fitzgerald Grant — honest to God, that’s what a president is named in this bizarro Washington.”
In other news: John Kelly tries to find out why fuel is so expensive at the Watergate Exxon and finds an answer in a feud between DC gas moguls. . . Sad obit of the day: The last Ottoman princess passes away. . . Whitney Houston’s autopsy report is sad and grisly.