How Prince Andrew might have answered Scotland Yard’s ‘who are you?’

Prince Andrew in June. (Facundo Arrizabalaga / EPA) Prince Andrew in June. (Facundo Arrizabalaga / EPA)

Ah, the indignity! Queen Elizabeth’s son Prince Andrew was briefly detained Wednesday by armed police demanding to know who he was after they spotted him strolling the grounds of Buckingham Palace — you know, his mom’s house. Seems that officers were on edge just days after an intruder managed to scale the gates; Scotland Yard issued an apology, which the prince, 53, publicly accepted, dryly adding that he “look[s] forward to a safe walk in the garden in the future,” reports the Sunday Express. Still, what kind of identity crisis must that question have inspired. And how exactly to answer it?

— “His Royal Highness the Duke of York, Honorary Rear Admiral and Royal Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter Andrew Albert Christian Edward. Call me Andy.”

— “Well, I’m the former second-in-line to the throne, but now I’m the fourth.”

— “No, wait, the fifth. Sigh.”

— “Her Majesty’s liaison to foreign autocrats and dubious financiers.”

— “Remember Fergie?. . . No, not that one.”

— “Remember the girl with the crazy pretzel hat? My daughter!”

— “Remember Koo Stark? No? Well, Google her. . . Nice, huh?”

— “I’m the cute one.”

— “I used to be the cute one.”

See also: Royal mix-up: UK police order Prince Andrew to identify himself at Buckingham Palace

More Reliable Source: Political family feuds; Angelina Jolie; Jennifer Lopez; Roman Polanski; Leon Harris; John Kerry; John Wall

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Amy Argetsinger · September 6, 2013