The matter of Rosenwald, Md. vs. the University of Maryland concerns last night’s near blinding of college football fans around the world. The university’s weapon: a uniform doubling as a state flag.
This is a civil matter. It will be dealt with by me, the mayor of Rosenwald comma Maryland, swiftly and civilly and without court costs, or even a court.
I hereby rule: Maryland’s new uniforms are appalling.
I came to this verdict, despite the Terps’ nifty win over Miami, via friend-of-the-court briefs from scorched eyes around the world.
Text sent to me from my wife, a Maryland grad (twice) watching the game upstairs (normal use of telecommunications devices in my house): “Maryland uniforms giving me a headache.”
Brief judicial briefs also accumulated in my Facebook feed:
* “Holy ugly uniforms Maryland!”
* “Look like they escaped from a Renaissance Court Jester convention.”
* “Hey! That’s our state flag, and we’re proud of it!! But it does look kind of funny on a football uniform! ;)”
* “They look like crash dummies!”
* “My husband said they look like a compromise between two designers who’ve never met.”
* “ I think the right side of the helmet is giving me a seizure.”
On Twitter, the adjudications were even more harsh. Even Lebron James weighed in:
What did you think of Maryland’s new uniforms? Our sports department is running a poll. And please weigh in with a comment below. Let ‘em rip. How many of you are regretting watching the game in high definition?