‘Orange is the New Black’ Season 2 recap: Done already? Let’s discuss.


(Ali Goldstein/Netflix via AP)

Flew through the second season of Netflix’s “Orange is the New Black” in the first days of its release? Join the club — we couldn’t stop watching, either. Read here for our recap of the first half of the season, and then come back to revisit the last six episodes of this crazy addicting show.

EPISODE 8: Furlough backlash

A very important detail to remember from Episode 7, one that will dictate that last half of the season: We finally meet Fig’s husband, Jason Figueroa, and although they don’t come right out and say it, they’re definitely embezzling from Litchfield. Or at least, they talk vaguely about how “no one will catch them” and they’re doing it to support Jason’s campaign for state senator. At the end of their conversation, one of Jason’s campaign staffers, Gavin, comes in and tells Jason that he did a great job at the event that night. Then the two exchange a Meaningful Look. Hmmmm.

Anyway, back to Episode 8. Piper gets furlough! Although it is so rare that a prisoner will actually be given temporary leave that Healy compares it to a mythical creature, it actually happened — Healy made some calls. Piper is thrilled that she’ll get to say goodbye to her beloved grandmother, who is dying in the hospital. She makes the mistake of telling her fellow inmates all about her upcoming 48 hours of freedom.

Of course, there is lots of backlash: Lots of inmates have also applied for furlough and been denied, missing births of grandchildren and deaths of fathers. (Sophia, in particular, never got to see her estranged father on his deathbed after he disowned her for becoming a woman.) It gets nasty, many accusing her of getting special treatment because she’s white, until Piper is forced to stand up in the middle of the cafeteria and scream that yes, she’s white, and yes, inmates may have gotten a raw deal, but she still deserves to say goodbye to her beloved grandmother. Naturally, this gets her a piece of chocolate cake (we really hope it’s chocolate cake) to the head.

Fed up, Piper heads to Healy’s office to tell him that she wants to give back the furlough to someone who needs it — he tells her it doesn’t work that way. On the verge of tears, Piper says she doesn’t even understand why he granted her this special favor. The reason? He was fueled by earlier when he had to give Rosa — the inmate with ovarian cancer — a virtual death sentence. She needs extensive surgery, but the prison won’t cover the expense and there’s nothing he can do. Rosa called him useless. Taking that to heart, a helpless Healy decided to make at least one good thing happen. At the end, Piper looks like she at least appreciated the pep talk.

About Rosa: She gets the episode’s flashback, as we see she was quite a gifted criminal back in the day, robbing banks with the best of them. There’s just one tragic problem: Every time she robs a bank with a boyfriend, he dies. (First of a gunshot, then a heart attack.) She’s convinced she’s cursed, but that doesn’t stop her robbery spree. It continues during her chemo treatment, where she bonds with a teenage boy/fellow cancer patient who’s fascinated by her criminal past. Rosa still has her gift: They team up to rob a nasty, alcoholic nurse. They pull off the heist, but later, Rosa sees the boy and his mother crying. She’s convinced she’s still cursed, until he tells her: He’s actually in remission. She’s actually briefly cheered up by this fact, and heads back to Litchfield with $43 she stole from the nurse.

Meanwhile, back at the Litch, Fig steps in gum and demands the officers find out where all these contraband items are coming from. Caputo suddenly realizes why Red was so interested in the greenhouse, and storms the planting shed, throwing plants everywhere determined to find her stash. (No one except Red realizes the sewer in the floor connects to the outside world.) Luckily, Red anticipated this and conspired with Mendoza to hide everything in the kitchen. This worked, but unfortunately tips off Vee to the fact that Red and Mendoza are on friendly terms, even after Mendoza took over the kitchen.

The episode ends on an ominous note, thanks to Caputo’s new shot quota — each officer must give a certain amount of “shots”/warnings a week to prove to them who’s really in charge. Officer Fischer points out that is a really stupid plan, because the shots won’t mean anything if they’re given out for no reason. Annoyed that she’s talking back — and still stung that she doesn’t like him the way he likes her — Caputo fires Fischer on the spot. Fischer is devastated until Nicky reminds her that getting out of Litchfield might be the best thing that ever happened to her. And guess who comes strolling in to take Fischer’s place? Yep, the worst C.O. of them all — the racist, disgusting Officer Mendez (a.k.a. Pornstache.)

EPISODE 9: Piper’s furlough

This is the beginning of the end for the prisoners at Litchfield, or at least when the Red v. Vee war really gets started. But first, time for Piper to get the heck out of Litchfield — at least for 48 hours. Unfortunately, her grandmother died before she could get out, so now she’s headed to Grandma’s funeral. In fact, it’s shaping up to be quite the miserable furlough, as her brother Cal drives over to Larry’s house, where it’s extremely awkward seeing her ex-fiance in person. Plus, she still doesn’t know he slept with Polly, her best friend. Larry is wildly uncomfortable, and things don’t improve.

First, Piper is forced to greet every single member of her family the same way: Yes, I’m out prison, no, it’s just temporary. Then Cal and his fiancee hijack the funeral and turn it into their wedding because hey, all the family is there and there’s free food. Piper deals with all this the way anyone would: Getting blindly drunk at the wake (even though that’s breaking the rules of furlough) and attacking Larry in the bathroom. As they’re about to have sex, Larry can’t help but share the truth: He slept with someone else. Obviously, that kills the mood and they finally decide it’s time to break up for good. Larry looks like he’s about to tell the whole truth about his fling, but when he says it’s someone Piper knows, she decides she can’t handle it. She winds up wandering the streets of New York drinking, but not before seeing Red’s beloved store — the one she begged Piper to go visit, to see how it was faring — has clearly been out of business for awhile, all gated up and sad.

Meanwhile back in prison: “Mendez is back, bitches.” Everyone’s least favorite C.O. returns to take Fischer’s place, and terrorizes everyone from casual racism to sexual harassment, as he does. All the prison staffers despise him, but Fig can’t be bothered to hire anyone new. The C.O. who hates him the most? John Bennett. Mendez was fired last season after he was caught having sex with Daya (she set him up so when people find out she’s pregnant, they’ll assume it’s his baby and Bennett won’t be fired and thrown in jail for sleeping with an inmate) and Mendez is convinced Daya is The One.

Anyway, Mendez’s return doesn’t last long. Stressed out beyond his limits, Bennett has a meltdown when he finds a cigarette on the ground, horrifying the inmates as he screams and ravages through their bunks demanding to find where all the stolen items are coming from. It results in Bennett’s suspension, as Caputo gently tells him he wanted Bennett to be tough on the inmates in a “Coach Taylor” kind of way, not terrify them. So Bennett finally decides to tell the “truth” about why he’s so stressed out: Daya is pregnant, which means Mendez must be the father. Caputo, who also hates Mendez, can barely contain his glee: Mendez will be fired for good and headed to prison.

Back to Red v. Vee: We finally see how their friendship/rivalry started back in the day when Red was a newbie to the prison and Vee was back for another stint in Litchfield. Vee not only took her under her wing, but convinced her to start sneaking in contraband supplies, thanks to the fact that Red knew the food vendor. That all worked out great for awhile, and Red was thrilled to have a friend: Until Vee simply informed Red one day, out of the blue, that she would be taking over her business. When Red obviously refused, Vee simply had her sidekicks beat Red to a pulp, breaking her ribs. Some friend.

Unfortunately, that only scratches the surface of Vee’s evilness. Red holds a family dinner in the greenhouse trying to get her crew back, and they finally start to forgive her for burning Gina last season with the oven. Unfortunately, Big Boo happens to glance down and see the sewer pipes, realizing where Red is getting her contraband. At the end of the episode, Big Boo approaches Vee with this very valuable information. This will not end well for Boo.

And finally, the unlikeliest of friendships: Pennsatucky is frozen out of the meth addict clique, and reacts by slamming Leanne’s head into a dryer. She begs Healy not to send her to the SHU — and Healy, seeing a therapist for his own anger issues, decides to take on Pennsatucky as his project, agreeing not to send her to solitary if she comes and sees him once a week for counseling.

Episode 10: Vee takes over

Well, it’s official: Vee’s crew has officially taken over anything and will eventually be the downfall of everyone. That’s because in addition to dealing cigarettes, Vee has branched out into heroin sales. Poussey is stunned by this and confronts Taystee. Even though Vee is her surrogate mom, is she really going to align herself with a woman who is dealing drugs? Taystee is officially brainwashed back on Team Vee, and tells Poussey that Vee gave her a family — she can’t turn her back on that. “Don’t pretend like you know me or my people,” Taystee scornfully tells her former best friend.

Devastated, Poussey turns to alcohol — well really, the gross drink she’s been concocting and storing in the library’s air conditioning vents. Vee threatens Poussey that she better stay away, and Taystee doesn’t say anything. Vee makes her point by having her new sidekick (the blindly loyal Crazy Eyes) beat up Poussey in the bathroom, leaving a drunk and hysterically sobbing Poussey on the ground. It’s a new low for everyone. Oh, and thanks to Boo’s tip in the last episode, the increasingly menacing Vee has found Red’s secret sewer system to the outside world, and tells her she will be using it. “A tunnel, Red?” she asks. “That’s so Bugs Bunny.”

Elsewhere, the Mendez/Diaz fallout is in full swing. Caputo gleefully tells Fig what John told him (that Mendez got Daya pregnant). Furious, Fig brings in Daya to ask if she encouraged Caputo. She says, yes, which is true: But since prisoners can’t legally give consent, that means it’s rape, and Mendez is going to jail for a long time. He’s hauled off in front of everyone, and Daya looks supremely guilty. She tells John she wants him to confess about their affair, even if that means he goes to jail — even though Mendez is a disgusting creep, she can’t handle that she sent him away to prison for a crime he didn’t do.

In other news, Healy has started a support group (“Safe Place”) with Pennsatucky where the inmates can come and share their feelings — no one shows up, because as Pennsatucky says, no one is going to go unless there’s at least free donuts. Brook Soso starts a hunger strike, which no one cares about, until Yoga Jones says what she’s doing is very brave.

Another interesting update: Lorna gets a furious visit from Christopher, the man she’s been telling everyone was her fiance; but she’s actually in jail for stalking him. Anyway, Christopher knows Lorna broke into his house (Episode 4) and calls her a psycho, threatening to kill her if she ever comes near him or his wife again. He screams her secret out loud for everyone to hear, including Nicki, who consoles a hysterical Lorna when he’s gone — and it’s hard to not to feel sorry for her.

The flashback of the episode is Piper and Alex (honestly the least interesting couple at this point, considering.) We see that back when Piper and Alex met, Alex had a girlfriend — not that it stopped her and Piper from getting together. Unfortunately, Alex’s girlfriend was the jealous type and would do things like leave a flaming bag of feces on Piper’s porch. Somehow, it all comes full circle — Polly comes to visit Piper, who puts two and two together that she was the person Larry slept with. So guess what Polly finds on her porch at the end of the episode, courtesy of Piper’s brother? “I deserve that,” Polly sighs.

EPISODE 11: Hunger strike

There’s a hurricane barreling down on New York, but no one at Litchfield has much time to think about that. For one thing, Brook Soso is busy with her hunger strike, as she implores Piper to print their list of demands — better conditions, people shouldn’t be thrown in SHU for no reason, better maple syrup — in the Big House Bugle, their prison newsletter. Piper is doubtful that Healy will let them publish it, but he’s in a good mood from all his helping lately (counseling Pennsatucky, starting the Safe Place support group) that he doesn’t even notice. That kicks the hunger strike up a notch, as Yoga Jones, Leanne, Angie and Sister Ingalls are all taking part.

It was supposed to be a leaderless movement, but Sister Ingalls quickly takes a leadership role. When a furious Caputo reads the newsletter list of demands, he confronts the hunger strikers and tells them he can’t do anything about less time in SHU or improved maple syrup. Then Sister Ingalls speaks up and demands better care for the elderly — more specifically, they can’t dump sick old ladies (like Jimmy) on the streets under the guise of “compassionate release” if their needs are too much to handle. “It’s inhumane,” Sister Ingalls says. “And it’s illegal.” Caputo’s stumped with that one and angrily storms away.

That leads to the backstory of the week: Time to find out how exactly a nun wound up in prison. We see Sister Ingalls as a young nun, questioning some aspects of her new life, but throwing herself into activism. That includes getting arrested for various protests (she keeps track of how many arrests her fellow protesters have accomplished) including one at a nuclear plant where she throws fake blood on a wall and tries really hard to get caught. She’s pretty narcissistic about it: “I’m the one that gives you credibility,” she tells her fellow protesters. It catches up with her when she writes a book, “Nun Shall Pass: The Sister Ingalls Story” and embarrasses the church in the process. She’s kicked out — so looks like she’s actually a former nun.

In the end, the hunger strike falls apart when the guards tempt Leanne and Angie with pizza. Later, Sister Ingalls faints, leading Yoga Jones and Brook to reluctantly call off the strike because of her health. But Sister Ingalls, fired up from protesting the man once more, still refuses, meaning that Caputo has her hauled off and hooked up to an IV since she won’t eat.

Meanwhile, Healy’s Safe Place support group gets a big boost in visitors, especially because word is that he’ll take a shot off your record if you attend. Poussey walks in, still bruised after getting pummeled when Vee instructed Crazy Eyes to beat her up. Crazy Eyes follows Poussey in to the group, and when Healy asks her to say how she’s feeling, there’s no way she can tell him what really happened when Crazy Eyes is watching her every move and will report back to Vee.

Sure enough, Crazy Eyes tells Vee that Poussey likely won’t share what happened; Taystee protests, saying Poussey would never do that. “Why do you keep defending her over your family?” Vee demands, slamming her fist on the table, telling Taystee that Poussey is now her responsibility, and if anything else happens, it’s on her. It’s grade-A sociopath stuff.

But back to the hunger strike: Fig catches wind of the newsletter (the Big House Bugle) and the list of demands for the first time, and tells Caputo to shut it down. She’s even angrier when she finds out Piper’s the one in charge. Piper’s preoccupied though, because she finally decided to break down and call Alex; she’s been throwing away her letters — apologizing about what happened in Chicago, where she convinced Piper to lie on the stand, but then wound up telling the truth herself and getting out of prison — for weeks.

She and Alex talk, and things aren’t going so well outside of prison: Kubra (the drug deal kingpin they were testifying against) was set free, even though Alex’s lawyer promised that if she testified with the truth, he would go away for life. But he got a mistrial, and is now sending his goons to Alex’s apartment in Queens, threatening her life and parking outside all day. She assures Piper that she’s still safe, but she sounds very, very unsure about it. They sort of make up, and it’s clear Alex is the one that Piper has always loved.

Either way, Piper’s day is about to get a lot worse: Healy informs her that she’s on a list of people to be transferred to a prison in Virginia. She’s stunned, and Healy, who looks almost sad, says there’s nothing he can do.

Elsewhere, a livid Red tries to find out who told Vee about the sewer tunnel to the outside, as Vee has informed/threatened her that she’s now taking over that contraband delivery system. She’s even angrier when she finds out it was Boo, and Red and her gang corner Boo to inform her she’s no longer part of the family. Boo laughs it off and tells Red she’s “a [expletive] joke,” and merrily goes over to tell her new pal Vee that she’s available to join Vee’s gang. Vee just stares at her coldly. “I don’t like snitches,” she says. Sorry, Boo!

Then for the violent portion of the episode: Red’s gang of elderly ladies decide to stick up for their new friend, because they don’t like her getting pushed around by Vee. One of them, Taslitz, simply decides the best thing to do is kill Vee. So she sneaks up behind her in the hallway and stabs her in the kidney. Only one problem — wrong lady. Taslitz just stabbed a stranger — just another day in the life at Litchfield.

Episode 12: Lights out

We open on a rainy greenhouse — Red and her elderly lady friends are packing things up before the storm. They’re also defending Taslitz (now in SHU for the rest of her life), who just stabbed a random woman because she thought it was Vee. “She was just trying to help,” they explain, but Red knows it just made things worse. Now that Vee knows they’re after her, this will get violent very fast. Taslitz’s friend explains that Taslitz hates to wear her glasses because they make her nose look big; thus, her mistaking Vee for someone else. “You want to assassinate someone? Vision is a basic requirement. It’s like, Step one: Pick a person to kill. Step two: Kill that person,” seethes Red, possibly with the best line of the season.

Vee approaches with her group and Red improvises, saying that the random stabbing was a warning shot that Vee better not mess with her. Vee knows better, and basically declares war on Red’s gang — and says that if Red doesn’t tell her more about the secret contraband tunnel, Red’s sons will die. To further illustrate how evil Vee is, we get another horrifying glimpse into her backstory. Flashback to her, Taystee and RJ (as she raised them both when they had no where else to go) about to eat dinner. It’s all very “happy family” stuff, besides the fact that Vee’s a drug dealer and in addition to making her kids work for her, has been bribing cops for years to eliminate her competition. Then, one cop makes the mistake of telling Vee that he saw RJ’s name on a list of drug dealers he just busted, meaning RJ is about to break out of Vee’s drug business and start one of his own.

Vee is not too happy that RJ’s stealing her clients, so she pays him a visit and seduces him. Because that’s what you do with your foster son. After they sleep together, she sends RJ out to get her some ice cream, where lo and behold, the shady cop is waiting with a gun, where he shoots him several times. So Vee essentially murdered her own child when he got in her way. What does that mean she’s going to do to Red?

Red doesn’t want to give her a chance to find out — but more on that later. There’s a massive power outage at Litchfield and major flooding as the pipes are broken. That means that everyone has to go to the bathroom in buckets, and also that all inmates must sleep in the cafeteria. It’s a fun sleepover for some, such as Boo, who gets to tell the gullible Pennsatucky that the “gay agenda” is going to take over the world, and convinces her to join the tribe if she wants in at the ground floor. It’s a less happy sleepover for others who are excluded from their groups. Namely, Taystee. Earlier, Poussey broke into Vee’s warehouse, destroying her cigarette supplies. That’s not going to be good, but guess who Vee blames? Taystee, because Poussey was her friend. She heartlessly kicks Taystee out of the crew, not caring that it’s basically her daughter who has been nothing but loyal to her. Honestly, Taystee should be glad Vee didn’t hire a hit on her.

Things perk up a little later when Taystee and Poussey finally sort of make up when they’re sent to the library to save the books from getting wet — but there’s still bad blood between them because of everything that happened with Vee. Plus, there’s the fact that Vee is getting away with everything, including selling heroin.

As this is going on, Caputo is losing his mind because the prison is flooding and the lights are out and where is Fig, who supposedly runs the place? At her husband’s campaign event in New York City. He calls her incessantly but she refuses to come help, telling him to suck it up and deal with the problems. Caputo is beyond furious that once again, she’s shirking her duties and he’s stuck cleaning up the mess. Yet Fig gets her comeuppance a little later. It starts when her accountant starts asking too many questions about misplaced funds at Litchfield, but Fig manages to get him to stop talking with the bribe of attending her husband’s fancy campaign event. Her day gets worse, though, when she sees her husband kissing his campaign staffer, Gavin, at the end of the party; another thing that won’t end well.

However, it all leads to the very end of the episode, when Piper, still devastated that she’s being transferred, sneaks off in the middle of the group sleepover past the sleeping guard and into Fig’s office. Under Adam the reporter’s instructions — she’s been meeting with him as he works on his story about the embezzled money — she locates the file for FitzCore, the contractor that Fig is working with to the funnel the prison’s money. (In turn, Fitzcore supports her husband’s campaign.)

Unfortunately, that’s when the lights come back on. She scurries out of the office and  — oops! — runs directly into Caputo. He stares at her. “Care to explain?” he asks. Fortunately, he might be the one person who will be very interested in what Piper has to say.

Then, another violent end. Red and Vee have been at each other’s throats all episode, using their rival gangs to shield each other from the other. But when Vee heads outside by herself to use the bathroom, Red follows her with some Saran Wrap she stole from the kitchen, attempting to strangle Vee to death. Vee manages to throw her off, and then somehow, both women end up on the ground laughing. They agree it’s crazy to fight like this when prison is hellish enough as it is. They’re both too old to deal with this. Why not call a truce? They shake on it.

So, it’s almost no surprise when at the very end, Vee sneaks into Red’s greenhouse with a combination lock in a sock — and proceeds to try to beat her to death.

EPISODE 13: Finale

Luckily we’ve got a 90-minute finale because there is a lot to process as this insane season has come to an end. It kicks off as some outside investigators show up at the prison. With a stabbing and a slocking (being beat with a lock in a sock) in one week, no one can ignore that a minimum security women’s prison is turning into Rikers. Caputo tries to tell the investigators what happened, but they wave him off, saying they are assigned to report exclusively to Miss Figueroa.

That makes Caputo just angry enough to take a trip down to SHU, where Piper’s being held for breaking into Fig’s office. Caputo has some questions, and asks why she was trying to steal the FitzCore file. Piper knows it has all the information he needs to bust Fig for embezzling — and get her job — but she insists that Caputo cancel her transfer before she says anything. He looks amiable to that suggestion.

Soon after, it’s down to the warehouse, where Black Cindy and Janae are gossiping about Red and wondering who beat her up, though it’s pretty obvious. Unfortunately, Vee overhears them and threatens their lives if they say anything about her to the officers. She tells them to pin it all on Crazy Eyes. Of course — Crazy Eyes, her most loyal companion, will take the fall for this and be charged with attempted murder. Even Black Cindy and Janae, Vee’s only followers left, look doubtful about this plan, noting it’s pretty cold to frame a mentally ill person for murder. Guess what? Vee does not care.

Caputo heads to Fig’s office with all the information he needs to take her down. Unfortunately, she’s sobbing hysterically on the floor after learning about her husband’s gay affair. Caputo doesn’t even try to hide his smile. That’s too bad, he tells her, and essentially adds, “Oh and guess what? I have evidence you’re embezzling, so you’re also about to be fired and possibly go to jail.” Fig doesn’t even try to deny, and instead decides to offer Caputo sexual favors in return for not saying anything. Although she doesn’t make that clear until after the deed is done, at which Caputo cheerfully tells her he already told the warden everything. And this storyline came to an end in the grossest way possible.

Caputo, though, is thrilled, and tells John Bennett that it’s a good day — since Caputo will likely be promoted, that means John’s getting a promotion too. Bennett is happy, but also, this means that he definitely can’t tell anyone that he’s the one that got Daya pregnant; she’s pressuring him to come clean, because she wants her baby to know its real father. He goes back and forth, and eventually, decides to man up and tell Caputo the truth — Mendez didn’t really get Daya pregnant. Caputo absorbs this and then snaps that Bennett should keep his mouth shut. Caputo will only officially get promoted to Fig’s job if he proves he can run the prison smoothly, so he can’t have any scandals happening. Bennett is shocked and simply leaves — so it’s a happily ever after for that couple?

Another issue is getting in the way of Caputo’s possible promotion: Sister Ingalls is still in the medical center because she’s on a hunger strike, and getting fed through an IV. Turns out Sister Ingalls, even though she’s an ex nun, still has some pull with the church, and a group of nuns come out in protest to support her. Caputo sends C.O. O’Neil out to guard the group of protesting nuns, which leads to an amazing scene where O’Neil gets out all of his Catholic school aggression on the nuns, but mostly through making up unflattering songs about them on a banjo/ukulele contraption.

While that chaos is happening outside, Sister Ingalls is urging Red to come clean about who beat her — she told the officers that she couldn’t see who it was. That way, she can plot her revenge. Sister Ingalls goes on about how this is wrong, until Red finally says that if Ingalls ends her hunger strike, she’ll tell the guards that it was Vee who attacked her. Ingalls agrees — taking a bite of a muffin — but it might be too late. Upstairs, the investigators are gathering info, and even though almost everyone says it was Vee, Janae and Black Cindy point fingers at Crazy Eyes.

We find Crazy Eyes in her bunk, frantically trying to find her beloved combination lock when Vee approaches with a special treat: A game of Uno that they can play, just the two of them! It’s sad to see Crazy Eyes get so excited over this gift and finally have a friend — only to see Vee gently convince her that she needs to take the fall for Red’s beating. Or more accurately, she convinces Crazy Eyes that she actually did attack Red. Crazy Eyes, ever vulnerable, starts to believe it herself, although she really thinks she might have been mopping the floor in the warehouse.

A quick break to Piper: She doesn’t have to transfer anymore, but she does have to deal with her ex-fiance and best friend suddenly being a couple. Larry and Polly visit Piper in prison and ask for her blessing, and she snidely turns them away. But later, she realizes a way that they can make it up to her. Alex visits Piper as well, saying that Kubra’s goons are still after her for testifying, and they’re going to kill her unless she skips town. Piper begs her not to leave, but Alex has to — her parole officer (whose name is David Crockett, of all things) is useless and won’t protect her.

But later that information comes in handy when Piper has an idea to get her former lover back in prison, getting a dose of revenge and having Alex back in her life. She calls Larry and Polly and says they can make everything up to her if they’ll call a Queens parole officer named David Crockett and tell him that Alex Vause is about to violate parole and skip town. Larry doesn’t want to, but Polly’s happy to do it — and sure enough, Davy Crockett shows up at Alex’s apartment to find a gun in her hand. Looks like Alex is headed back to the Litch.

Meanwhile, Nicky, who considers Red her surrogate mother, gets a little revenge on Vee herself, stealing Vee’s supply of heroin. Vee goes crazy, nearly stabbing Black Cindy trying to find out who stole the drugs. That’s all it takes for Black Cindy and Janae to finally see the light: Even though working with Vee is making them money, it’s not worth it teaming up with a sociopath. Together with Taystee and Poussey, they confront Vee and let her know she doesn’t have a crew any longer. Vee doesn’t seem to care, and she’ll regret that.

And everything’s coming to an end: Even though Red wants to confess that Vee attacked her — and Janae and Black Cindy try to recant their testimony, the investigators already got a confession out of Crazy Eyes. Actually, Crazy Eyes was just rambling and making no sense, but the investigators just want to go home. Just as it looks like Vee will literally get away with murder, Healy of all people steps in to save the day: He got one of the officers to forge paperwork saying that Crazy Eyes was in the warehouse at the time of Red’s attack, so she couldn’t possibly have done it. And just like that, there’s a hunt for Vee.

Except it’s too late — Vee is gone. The prison’s in lockdown and everyone’s frantically searching for the missing prisoner (this won’t be good for Caputo’s promotion) but Vee is really out of there. She slipped down the contraband sewer and made it to the outside world, and we see her running through the woods.

Is she really gone forever? We get our answer somewhat quickly, tied neatly together with another plot from the season: Rosa, the inmate with cancer. She goes to the hospital for her chemo treatment where the doctor tells her that the chemo isn’t working; she has three to six weeks left to live.

After a contemplative ride back from the hospital, Lorna, driving the van, has an idea — with the guards distracted by the manhunt, she slips out of the van and tells Rosa to drive like hell. She doesn’t deserve to die in prison, after all. Rosa hesitates for a split second before slipping into the drivers seat and gunning it, speeding on out of the prison to die on her own terms.

Caputo watches helplessly as she drives away — goodbye, promotion? She breaks the gate and goes speeding down the dusty road when she sees something in the distance: It’s Vee, hitchhiking. Rosa’s never been a fan, and remarked multiple times over the season that she is very rude — after all, Vee has been horrible to her and everyone she knows. So, Rosa does what any Litchfield inmate would do: Slams into Vee with the van as hard as she can, killing her and leaving her by the side of the road.

“Always so rude, that one,” she mumbles as she speeds off, music blaring and the windows down. And with that, the season comes to an end.

Emily Yahr covers pop culture and entertainment for the Post. Follow her on Twitter @EmilyYahr.
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UGC FROM ARTICLE: !!!

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Emily Yahr · June 9