Ted Nugent’s greatest, if not so melodic, hits

Ted Nugent, poet laureate of the politically incorrect, is no stranger to making waves with his unorthodox political analysis. His insults and curse-laced soliloquies dot the news so often that they've basically been rendered white noise, but every once in awhile he says something that either causes the politicians affiliated with him to shake their head in sympathy or denounce him.


Rocker Ted Nugent introduces Texas gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott during a stop, Feb. 18, 2014, in Denton, Tex., to promote early voting. (AP Photo/The Dallas Morning News, Ron Baselice)

After Nugent called President Obama a "subhuman mongrel" last week, Texas Gov. Rick Perry responded by saying “That’s Ted Nugent… . That’s just Ted. Anybody that’s offended – sorry, but that’s just Ted." Perry later said that Nugent should apologize. Rand Paul took the opposite  tack of distancing himself from the singer of "Wango Tango," ranked seventh on Guitar World's list of 100 Worst Guitar Solos.

Many other Republican politicians have followed suit. Nugent responded in kind Friday: "I apologize for using the term. I will try to elevate my vernacular to the level of those great men that I'm learning from in the world of politics."

Here's a very long list of the other times Nugent said things that Republican politicians would probably rather he hadn't.

On Obama

Nugent says congrats to President Obama after his reelection in 2012:

Nugent analyzes Obama's 2013 State of the Union speech: “You just can’t get more of a predictable flowery script. And every time he is done speaking he either does just the opposite or nothing at all.”

Nugent floats the idea of starting an American Revolution sequel: "I'm part of a very great experiment in self-government where we the people determine our own pursuit of happiness and our own individual freedom and liberty, not to be confused with the Barack Obama gang who believes in we the sheeple and actually is attempting to re-implement the tyranny of King George that we escaped from in 1776. And if you want another Concord Bridge, I got some buddies."

Nugent unleashes all his favorite adjectives in an analysis of the president: "I have obviously failed to galvanize and prod, if not shame enough Americans to be ever vigilant not to let a Chicago communist-raised, communist-educated, communist-nurtured subhuman mongrel like the acorn community organizer gangster Barack Hussein Obama to weasel his way into the top office of authority in the United States of America."

Nugent earns an audience with the Secret Service: "If you want more of those kinds of evil anti-American people in the Supreme Court, then don’t get involved and let Obama take office again. Because I’ll tell you this right now: if Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will either be dead or in jail by this time next year. ... But if you can’t go home and get everybody in your lives to clean house in this vile, evil, America-hating administration I don’t know what you’re made of. If you can’t galvanize and promote and recruit people to vote for Mitt Romney we’re done. We’ll be a suburb of Indonesia next year. ... Our president, and attorney general, our vice president, Hillary Clinton, they’re criminals, they’re criminals. And if you take that adamant ‘we the people’ defiance, remember we’re Americans because we defied the king. We didn’t negotiate and compromise with the king, we defied the emperors. We are patriots, we are bravehearts. We need to ride into that battlefield, and chop their heads off in November."

Nugent talks to Glenn Beck about his meet-and-greet with the Secret Service: “The Nugent family is a totally nonviolent, peace and love, rock and roll, working-hard, playing-hard American family."

Nugent analyzes the 2008 presidential election: "If it wasn't for Sarah Palin, I'd move to f--- Sweden. It's pretty pathetic. I don't think you can be "pretty pathetic." It's mighty pathetic. Barack Obama, I guess if you want to be Mao Tse Tung I suppose you can be. I just don't think you should be the president of America. Call me weird. If you really study the Communist Party of America, if you go to their website and check out their bullet points, it is the Democrat Party bullet points. It is Barack Obama. And if I'm not mistaken…didn't the wall come down? My family thought that communism had proven wrongheaded. Am I out of line here? Did I miss the reintroduction of communism and how it benefitted society? Maybe that chapter evaded me. Remember a minute ago, when I said "f--- you?" You might want to play that over the loudspeaker system wherever you go."

On guns

Nugent announces his platform to reporters before his State of the Union debut:  “I represent working hard, playing hard, logical, productive Americans who own lots of guns, lots of ammo and we’re an asset to our neighborhoods and our family and this country and for our rights to be infringed is real counterproductive.”

Nugent on his fellow hunters: "The Bubbas are alive and well. They're still chewing tobacco, they're still scaring women and children away from our sport. They're still editing outdoor magazines and TV shows, and they embarrass me. They are so unsophisticated, they are so rude, they are so stuck in the Leave it to Beaver mindset as to be embarrassing. That's why I've become so outspoken, because Bubba doesn't represent the heart and soul of the hunting community. I do. (Raises voice.) It's uppity, it's spirited, it's got a great sense of humor. We kill stuff and eat it. Get over it! We're not apologizing anymore! Your tuna salad is dead, America! Celebrate it! Kill more tuna, eat more salad, shut the (expletive) up! (Laughs loudly.)"

Nugent on gun control: ''You want gun control? I got my guns at home, and I control 'em. You want animal rights? Animals have the right to fry in garlic and butter.''

Nugent considers the possibilities of a civil-rights movement for gun rights: “There will come a time when the gun owners of America, the law-abiding gun owners of America, will be the Rosa Parks and we will sit down on the front seat of the bus, case closed.”

Nugent kills all the little piggies: "One of hunting's most ardent advocates, 62-year-old rock musician Ted Nugent, describes the high-tech hunts as '100% fair hunting.' Mr. Nugent, who often hunts on his ranch near Waco, estimates that he kills 40 to 50 hogs each year without apology. In his column in Texas Fish & Game magazine's June issue, Mr. Nugent wrote of hog hunting: 'This little piggy got an arrow, this little piggy got lead, this little piggy got buckshot, all the little piggies got dead.'"

Nugent speaks at a National Rifle Association convention in Texas: "Remember the Alamo! Shoot 'em! To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molestors dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun, and when they attack you, shoot 'em."

Nugent on gun critics: "I've got a message for all those people who think hunting is so terrible. They can kiss my a** ... People will say to me, 'All you want to do is kill things.' But if that was true, I'd be out there with a grenade launcher."

Nugent speaks to a bowhunting seminar: "You can't take Bambi home and cuddle him. I ate him years ago."

Nugent on his bear rugs: ''We call them rug steaks. We have plenty of ruggage at my house.''

Nugent on the magic of Ted Nugent Kamp for Kids, his children's hunting camp: "The kids love my attitude, they love my energy, they love my passion. I have brought the truth to these kids. They crave stimuli. Don’t we all? Isn’t that the American dream? To be stimulated emotionally, physically, spiritually? We want stimuli, we want adventure, we want challenge. Every kid wants the extreme of all of the above. There is nothing more extreme than penetrating the almost impenetrable defense mechanism of the game animal, and making that mystical flight of the arrow go where you want it to. That is your ultimate stimuli, ultimate extreme, ultimate challenge, ultimate joy, ultimate frustration, ultimate gratification, because you are bringing home the purest of flesh when the arrow pierces."

On guns and Obama

Nugent says Obama might want to s--- on one of his machine guns.

On the Democratic Party

Nugent on DNC chair Debbie Wasserman-Schulz: “She is a Che Guevera fan.'

Nugent writes column titled, "I honor blacks – the Dems destroy them":  "I don’t celebrate Black History Month. I celebrate it every day, as my very black-inspired musical dreams could not have been successful were it not for black Americans. My fire-breathing musical career was literally launched by black musical thundergods such as Bo Diddly, Little Richard, James Brown, Wilson Picket, Sam & Dave, Albert King, BB King, Freddie King, the mighty Funk Brothers, and the epitome of Rock ‘n’ Roll Gods, the master, Chuck Berry. The music these gentlemen created gave birth to my music and all great, moving, soulful music. We owe it all to them. Regrettably, the study of modern-day black history by future historians will not be bright or rich. I predict the fundamental blame for this will be laid at the feet of the Democratic Party. There is no doubt that my 2013 tour will be the best of my life. With world-class virtuosos paying tribute to our black heroes nightly, it is only fitting that this year’s tour is aptly titled, 'Ted Nugent Black Power 2013.'"

Nugent responds to the controversy about the name of his 2013 tour: “If my use of the term ‘black power,’ showing reverence for my musical influences, if that’s construed by anybody as being racist, then it can only be construed as anti-white. Can it possibly be construed any other way? God knows I can’t call the tour ‘White Power.’ Are you kidding me? And I never would: Pat Boone is not a hero of mine. I don’t like the crackers.”

On being a libertarian

Nugent lays out his political philosophy: "I would literally alter my pursuit of happiness if I saw that it compromised yours. And I mean that. Let's say I just love to sh** in the river. That's my pursuit of happiness. I've got a less than desirable pursuit of happiness. I would make sure that I didn't sh** upstream of you. You know what I mean. I can't pursue that pursuit of happiness because it would fu** up yours if you're downstream. It's about cause and effect. It's about being cognizant of your cause and effect and altering it so that, not only don't we want anyone to tread on us, we review our treading to make sure we're not treading on anyone else. So, yeah, libertarian, but with a sense of consciousness. I don't want my pursuit of happiness to f-** yours. I think that's even beyond libertarian. Like Ron Paul, for Gods sake. So, you don't think that we have to go after terror? You think we just need to secure the Pacific Ocean, Canadian, Mexican and Atlantic borders, that's it? You don't think we have to go chase down assholes? I think you're wrong, Ron. Next."

Nugent on same-sex marriage: "I’m repulsed at the concept of man-on-man sex, I think it’s against nature. I think it’s strange as hell, but if that’s what you are I love you. I’m not going to judge another’s morals. I say live and let live. I have friends that are gay."

On the economy

Nugent explains what's wrong with American economic policies: "Yet Uncle Sam is like a stoned, dirty, stinkin' hippie with a credit card. It's gluttonous, it's slovenly, it's indulgent. For anybody to bail anybody out is wrong. It's counterproductive and disgusting. When Fedzilla is going to bail people out with my f---' money, you might think he would have consulted with me first. It's just bizarre. It's beyond Planet of the Apes."

On foreign policy

Nugent visits Iraq: "And I visited Saddam Hussein's master war room. It was a glorious moment. It looked like something out of Star Wars. I saw his gold toilet. I s*** in his bidet."

On music

Nugent explains how the founding fathers helped rock music: "You can’t come up with this stuff unless you have a Constitution. You need to have a guarantee that you won’t have a king or an emperor coming and taking your productivity away. I don’t know how much history you’ve studied, but that’s the difference between the rest of the world and America. We are based on an experiment in self-government. I gotta tell ya, every meaningful, inspiring, driving piece of music ever has come from a black guy who either dreamed of being free, or celebrated coming free. And that’s where that unleashed ferocity and defiance that created Howlin’ Wolf and Muddy Waters and certainly Chuck Berry and Bo Diddley and Little Richard and Jimi Hendrix and James Brown—all the black guys, they were shackled. And then they did, and when they got their civil rights all hell broke loose. God bless ‘em."

On the media

On Michigan

"Michigan was once a great state. Michigan was a state that rewarded the entrepreneur and the most productive, work-ethic families of the state. Now the pimps and the whores and the welfare brats are basically the state's babies."

On scrotums

Nugent on Michigan Gov. Jennifer Granholm: She "is not doing an ugly job, but as the perfect woman, she is scrotumless."

Nugent analyzes the current state of politics: “Our politicians check their scrotum in at the door. Even Hillary. But obviously she has spare scrotums.”

Nugent on the Republican Party: “Someone extracted their scrotum with a rusty shiv.”

On America

The whole world sucks. But America still sucks less!

Nugent revises his opinion on America: “Things are just so wrong in the country now. And I know that my answers would make things wonderful, unless you just refuse to produce, and then I’d recommend that you move to Canada. Or Illinois.”

Jaime Fuller reports on national politics for "The Fix" and Post Politics. She worked previously as an associate editor at the American Prospect, a political magazine based in Washington, D.C.
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