The incredibly quotable Alan Simpson

Former senator Alan Simpson is perhaps best known these days as one half the so-called Simpson-Bowles Debt Commission.


Former U.S. Sen. Alan Simpson, left, and former White House Chief of Staff Erskine Bowles take part in a news conference on Capitol Hill in Washington. Simpson on Wednesday, July 13, 2011 said he fears politicians on both sides of the contentious fight in Washington over whether to raise the national debt limit are losing sight of the most important question: what’s best for the United States _ not how they can advance their own political agendas. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon, File)

But to us, he's better known as the greatest quote machine in politics.

Simpson's folksy and often somewhat disgusting rejoinders have regularly caught the attention of the political world (there's even a blog called "Stuff Alan Simpson Says"). Below, we thought we would compile some of the better/most interesting ones.

Did we miss any? The comments section awaits...

1. “The AARP is a group of 3.8 million Americans bound together by a common love of airline discounts and insurance discounts.” (Portland Press-Herald)

2. "Grandchildren now don’t write a thank-you for the Christmas presents, they’re walking on their pants with the cap on backwards listening to the Enema Man and Snoopy Snoopy Poop Dogg...”

 

3. “That's a sparrow's belch in the midst of a typhoon. … And anybody giving you anything different than that, you want to walk out the door, stick your finger down your throat and give them the Green Weenie.”

 

(And Candy Crowley's priceless response: "Goodness, that’s a good quote. Quite a – get the Green Weenie. That’s terrible.”)

4. "I’ve spent many years in public life trying to stabilize that system while people like you babble into the vapors about 'disgusting attempts at ageism and sexism' and all the rest of that crap." (E-mail to Older Women's League obtained by Huffington Post)

5. "Over the last 40 years, I have had my size 15 feet in my mouth a time or two. To quote my old friend and colleague, Senator Lloyd Bentsen, when I make a mistake, 'It's a doozy!'" (Simpson's apology to OWL)

6. "We've reached a point now where (Social Security is) like a milk cow with 310 million tits! Call when you get honest work!" (A Simpson e-mail during the debt commission debate)


7. “(Republicans) give each other the saliva test of purity every once in a while, and then they lose and then they just sit around and bitch for four years. And it's a very fascinating party. (PBS)

8. “Do you know the difference between naked and nekkid? If you’re naked, you don’t have any clothes on, but if you’re nekkid you don’t have any clothes on but you’re up to something.” (Des Moines Register)

9. "A lot of blood, hair and eyeballs have to lay on the floor before we finish."

 

10. And, finally, a previously unpublished quote. When our colleague, David Nakamura, told Simpson in February that he was going to be covering the immigration debate, Simpson had this response:

“Oh yeah? Well grab your left n-t for luck.”

Aaron Blake covers national politics and writes regularly for The Fix.
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