The CIA has been on Twitter for a month (publicly, anyway) and decided to celebrate that not-really-celebration-worthy event by answering "5 of the top questions you’ve asked" since @CIA came online.
Here are the five things the CIA implies that it has been asked about the most over the past month:
- If the agency knows your password. (No.)
- If it is hiring. (Yes.)
- Something about Ellen Degeneres. (No idea.)
- Something about planes. (Same.)
- About its role in Guatemalan death camps.
Ha ha just kidding on that last one. Actually, the fifth question was apparently about Tupac.
No, we don’t know where Tupac is. #twitterversary
— CIA (@CIA) July 7, 2014
This baffled the universe. Even within the context of "questions people asked the CIA," it doesn't make sense. Where's Tupac? He's dead. He got shot. It was in the news. And, thanks to the Atlantic's David Graham, we can say with some certainty: He was cremated and his ashes laid to rest in North Carolina. Let me Google that for you, America's premier intelligence agency. Anyway, people made jokes, God bless them.
— daveweigel (@daveweigel) July 7, 2014
(Background on that one.)
— MrDoodyHead (@MrDoodyHead) July 7, 2014
Journalist Glenn Greenwald, who we are starting to suspect is not a fan of the administration, wasn't exactly "funny" in his reply.
— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) July 7, 2014
Special mention for humor, though, goes to the apparently newly created account @CIAIsHip for their response.
So ...what's the CIA aiming for here, exactly? When Hamburger Helper tweets from its weird Twitter account, the purpose is (relatively) clear: Sell their hamburger helper. What's the CIA want to do? The obvious answer is: Show how "down" it is. You've got the CIA all wrong! It, too, listens to rap music and probably thinks Taylor Swift is cool. And here you thought that CIA didn't know about pop culture, because you are familiar with the executive order that bars the CIA from conducting intelligence work within the United States. How wrong you were! The CIA has heard of this "Tupac," and can prove it in fewer than 140 characters.
It just doesn't know that the real question is who shot Tupac, which is really a job for the FBI anyway. The FBI's Twitter account was unavailable for comment, if it exists, which I refuse to check.