Everything you need to know to be beautiful, according to The Hill’s “50 Most Beautiful” list


Hello! Did you make The Hill's "50 Most Beautiful" list this year? It just came out. Need to check? Totally cool. Give it a read. We'll wait.

Oh.

You aren't on it, either.

Sigh.

Well, chin up, guy! There's always next year. And the good news is: there's a lot of solid tips packed into these profiles of Capitol Hill fixtures.

Life is about learning, as they say, and everything is a teachable moment — including our collective exclusion from The Hill's "50 Most Beautiful" 2014 list. For example, here's what I picked up from really attractive people today:

Lesson: Your Extremely Chill Life Advice Does Not Necessarily Have to Match Your Reality

Example Case: Tim Johnson


(Screenshot: The Hill)

Everyone just relax, says this dude, who took somewhat intimidating crossed-arms photos for this light-hearted feature. "It's cliche, but I try very hard not to take myself too seriously in this town."

Sure.

Lesson: Hands on hips, everyone!

Example Cases:
Danielle Sikes
Kimberly Willingham
Gianelle Rivera
Vicky Vadlamani
Hailey Sadler
Mariel Saez
Wilsar Johnson
Katie Hunter
Neil Grace
Celeste Wallander
Dannia Hakki

But what if I want to cross my arms, like Tim Johnson?! What do I do now?

Lesson: Crossing your arms is also acceptable!

Kelley Smith
Rep. Markwayne Mullin
Rep. Tony Cárdenas
Monique Dorsainvil
Ross Gage

Good to know.

Lesson: It is important to maintain a nerd vs. cool life balance

Example Case: Raffi Williams

I've taken the liberty to note most of the name drops, buzzwords and culture references in Raffi Williams's interview. Here's how it broke down:


Here is a list I made. Not pictured: The Hello Kitty fruit snacks I was eating for second breakfast. Multitasking! (Photo credit: me)

This is a near-perfect mix! Well done, Raffi Williams.

Lesson: A good way to make sure that everyone knows your are on the The Hill's "50 Most Beautiful" list is to tweet about how you are on The Hill's "50 Most Beautiful" list

Example Cases: Cory Booker; Rand Paul

Guys. We saw. We all saw. This is not how Tim Johnson, noted cool guy, would tell you to play this.

Lesson: Like Sports Pretend to Like Sports

Example Case: Heather Murphy


(Screenshot: The Hill)

As a girl who likes baseball, I was initially pleased to see Heather Murphy's profile begin with stories about her apartment by Nats Park and her boss's autographed baseball collection. Then I got to the line highlighted above and realized that Heather Murphy might not be the fan I thought she was.

Whatever. Close enough. Go Nats!

Lesson: "Details" and "Accessories" are different things

Example Case: Devron Brown

“There’s two schools of thought for me in fashion,” Brown said. “You’re all about the details or you’re all about the accessories. For me, I’m all about the details.” See? This is actually one of those very cool fashion lessons that you can use in everyday life, because I definitely thought "accessories" and "details" were basically the same thing.

Lesson: Replace Casual Friday With Dress Like a Dance Squad Member Wednesday

Example Case: Danielle Sikes

Please observe:


(Screenshot: The Hill)

Yo, Sikes, that's just straight "50 Most Beautiful" cheating. Of course you are going to make this list. Also! You cannot tell people that and then — a few paragraphs later — talk about having a laid-back style. "You can keep it simple and still have that ‘wow’ factor,” she says. You are sending mixed messages here, Danielle!

Lesson: Match your dog's leash to your lace dress

Example Case: Meredith Raimondi


(Screenshot: The Hill)

I support this.

 

Sarah Larimer is a general assignment reporter for the Washington Post.
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