"That's fundraising 101. You don't insult the donors. You don't see Girl Scouts going door to door saying lay off the Tagalongs."
"Get on the school bus kids! Principal Obama says the bridge is 90 percent complete!"
"So what's going to happen in Washington now? Something?"
"I'm Mitch McConnell, and I approve this message. (No I don't.)"
The "Colbert Report" host goes through the motions of trying to sign up online.
"This timer right here represents the fast-approaching debt ceiling. So you set that, then ignore it."
Jefferson Memorial closed? Stephen Colbert to the rescue.
"What makes it truly courageous: The bill was his idea, and it's not really a filibuster."
Pike Place Market comes to Capitol Hill.