The Washington Post

VIDEO: Arlington robbers spook themselves, run away from 7-Eleven holdup

Disclaimer: Attempted armed robbery is not funny. But these two morons who walked into an Arlington 7-Eleven last week, with Moron #2 throwing a firecracker that frightened Moron #1 [aka “The Gunman”] into sprinting out the door, are pretty hilarious. Watch:

This happened last Sunday morning, Aug. 19, at 3:25 a.m. at the Semlem (as we say in the South) in the 1100 block of George Mason Drive. Arlington police spokesman Dustin Sternbeck said the cashier barely had time to react after masked Moron #1 walked in, seemingly real gun held high, before masked Moron #2 tossed the low-grade explosive in his cohort’s general vicinity. This dramatic gesture, of unknown intent, apparently was not coordinated with Moron #1, and the holdup was aborted.

Here is the likely post-crime wrapup:

“Dude, what’d you do that for?”

”To scare the guy.”

“Dude, I already had a gun. I think you made me wet my pants.”

“Ugh, get away from me, man.”

Moron #1, aka “The Gunman,” was described as a white male, about 5 feet 8 inches tall with black hair. Moron #2, aka “The Explosionist,” was described as a black male, about 5 feet 7 inches tall. Anyone with information about this combination of robbery and performance art is asked to call the Arlington police at 703-228-4161. Stop them before they fail again.

Tom Jackman is a native of Northern Virginia and has been covering the region for The Post since 1998.


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