The CEO of Bitcoin bans China, and the Internet’s other passive-aggressive April Fools’ jokes


Bitcoin trader Kolin Burges, right, of London and American Aaron (only his first name was given) hold protest signs as they conduct a sit-in in front of the office tower housing Mt. Gox in Tokyo,Tuesday, Feb. 25, 2014. (AP Photo/Kaori Hitomi)

April Fools' Day is typically reserved for lighthearted fun and silliness. But it's just as much an opportunity to skewer popular targets with thinly veiled barbs. This year is no different, with a more cynical, self-referential perspective on the day.

Coindesk, for instance, is "reporting" that Bitcoin's chief executive has banned the entire country of China.

"As of 8th April, bitcoin transfers to and from the Glorious People’s Republic of China will no longer by supported by the Bitcoin Network™," Coindesk writes. "The decision will not affect the Republic of China (Taiwan) – unless it gets invaded in the meantime."

Of course, being a peer-to-peer currency, there is no CEO of Bitcoin. But the reference to China is a dig at Beijing and other governments that have taken steps to limit the virtual currency over fears that it could destabilize the wider economy.


NSA headquarters in Ft. Meade, Md. (Trevor Paglen / The Intercept)

Meanwhile, The Register took advantage of another big target: the NSA. The Register's report shows the agency is getting into the cloud storage and analytics business — one that'll help hapless computer users recover from hard drive failures and other disasters.

"It's a completely needless tragedy," according to one unnamed source quoted in the story, "because of course the data isn't gone. We've still got it!"

And finally, a longtime Apple critic has announced that it's sold out to the Cupertino-based company. In a surprise release, iFixit — which has previously spoken out against Apple devices for being near-impossible to repair by yourself — said it would be joining Apple and forgetting about repairability altogether.

"Everyone has a number," iFixit chief executive Kyle Wiens said. "In the end, Apple gave us a number that we couldn’t refuse." What's more, iFixit said it's unveiling a new index that grades how easily you can replace a busted iPhone. Shockingly, every model is rated a 10 out of 10.


(Netflix)

But not everyone has an agenda. Netflix managed to keep things civil with a total non sequitur: A 74-minute video of a rotisserie chicken. Understandably, however, some viewers are upset by the content.

"Suitable for all ages?" raged one reviewer. "The main actor is naked the entire film! And we're not just talking about partial nudity, this is hairless full frontal nudity with bondage! Shame on you, Netflix!"

For the PG-13 among us, there's always Netflix's 20-minute short film, "Sizzling Bacon."

Brian Fung covers technology for The Washington Post.
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