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TheRootDC
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Posted at 05:35 PM ET, 10/07/2011

He’s just not that into you

Over the weekend, I had the privilege of joining one of D.C.'s popular radio hosts on his weekly radio show. The theme was entitled, "He's Just Not That Into You." This provoking, yet scrutinized theme was borrowed from the highly acclaimed book "He's Just Not That Into You" written by Sex and the City screenwriters, George Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo.

George and Liz uncover truths about the psyche of men and debunk many of the myths that women create about men and dating. After leaving the studio, following a very good show, I drove home in silence (which is rare for me) contemplating the lives of the women who called in to the show wanting to be "rescued" from their bad luck and unfavorable continuance of "tired" men. 

While I recognize there are two sides to every story (and I wasn't privy to his side) my heart begin to rush and pump even more as I shifted gears imagining all the women who want more: more honesty, more commitment, more sharing, more affection, more communication, and the list goes on.

Are they wrong for wanting more?  Do they sound needy for wanting so much?  I pondered those two questions over and over in my mind...thinking, thinking, and thinking some more. My resolve was that, “NO they aren't wrong for wanting more.”

Women are not wrong for only trying to fill the need they were born with: one of affection, attention, and appreciation.  My mother has taught me that if men are able to do even one of these three themes, they have tapped into a greater emotional need in which they will reap mutual benefits.

In other words, if men are sensitive to the needs of a woman, everything that he desires for her to be - she will be!  Will he be sensitive right away?  Will she be ready to give him what he desires immediately? NO, to both of those questions, but the awesome revelation is that if both she and he keep trying (consistently) they will have all that they need! 

When the question, "how do you know when he is not that into you" came to me...I pulled the microphone closer, adjusted my headphones and shared, "technology has shifted relationships entirely! While we are excited about the varied methods we use to get a hold of someone; too many methods create too many options and too many options cause a loss of attention span! Women, ONE way you know that he just may not be into you is: instead of picking up the phone to call you, his only method of communication is a text message, email, or facebook post. If you have been limited to interaction with him by text, email, or facebook, he is probably not that into you.  If he really is into you - he will pick the phone up to call (no matter what time of day it is) and he will pick the phone up when you call (or at least call you back as soon as he is freed up). Sometimes we see the signs and choose not to pay attention to them.”

Here are other painstaking ways you know he is not that into you:

1. If he doesn’t follow through on the things he said he will do.

2. If he doesn’t ever miss you when you’re not around.

3. If he is always blaming you for the relationship not going right.

4. If he keeps comparing you to his last relationship.

5. If he doesn’t compliment you (you are beautiful!).

6. If his idea of spending time together only involves late nights.

7. If he doesn’t introduce you to anyone that means anything to him.

8. If he is only concerned about his own satisfaction during moments of intimacy.

9. If he makes excuses, repeatedly!

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