This certificate is official and authoritative documentation that Barack H (for Humanoid) Obama cannot win.
If he was born in the United States it will be asserted that he was not born in the United States. If he is asked for documentation, the document will not be sufficient. If the documentation is sufficient, it will be too late. When it was not too late it will be why is he waiting? If he stops waiting, it will be why is he dignifying this question? If it is now, it will be why now? If it is not now, it will be WHEN? If he ignores the question, it will be what is he hiding? If he stops hiding, it will be why did he take the bait? If he doesn’t take the bait, it will be why does he let this fester? If he doesn’t let it fester, it will be why isn’t he tending to the important business of the nation? If he tends to the important business of the nation, it’s doesn’t he see how this is hurting him? If he explains, it will be a political miscalculation. If he doesn’t explain, it will also be a political miscalculation. If he laughs about it, it will be why doesn’t he take this seriously? If he takes it seriously, it will be why is he so defensive? If he is quiet, it signals passivity and administration infighting. If he isn’t quiet, it will be cynical politics as usual.
This is just the short form.
Also, remember to enter the latest round of my Cartoon Caption Contest here.