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Tom Toles
Posted at 07:15 AM ET, 10/08/2012

Debate tips for Mitt

Everybody is giving Obama debate advice. But what about Mitt? Mitt, you did well, especially by the new “energetic” standard. And your policies sounded good too! But you can do even better, Mitt, anybody can!

You should refine ypur policy proposals so they sound even MORE attractive. You like to move your positions around. Move a little further. Move here.

-Cut tax rates across the board for everyone to 5%. This would include state, local and sales taxes. And capital gains taxes too. And payroll taxes too.

-Find even MORE waste and loopholes. Are there that many? If you’re determined enough. Mitt, say you’ll be even more determined!

-Eliminate the deficit by passing a law putting in surpluses as far as the eye can see. Make them BIG surpluses. Do this by working across the aisle.

-STRENGTHEN Medicare and Social Security by the addition of new rebar and Titanium Bracing.

-Increase Defense spending by 1000%! Is there a large US military base in China to enforce trade rules? There will be soon!

-Create jobs by making every non-soldier a coal miner digging Clean Coal for $485,000 a year, with PRIVATE health benefits covering a family of 35.

Look into the camera and ask voters what about that plan don’t you like? Stare down the president with that crazed look of yours and put it to him directly: “What part of that plan don’t you like?” “Gotcha!” Anything else? Oh almost forgot. Energetics! “THE AMERICAN PEOPLE CAN HAVE THESE THINGS BECAUSE I, UNLIKE THE PRESIDENT, BELIEVE IN UNICOR... I MEAN... IN THE AMERICAN PEOPLE!” The media will like that!

By  |  07:15 AM ET, 10/08/2012

 
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