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Tom Toles
Posted at 07:15 AM ET, 07/17/2013

Does not compute

The people who used to do waterboarding for the government now write the text for the gray boxes that appear on your computer screen when trouble arrises.

“WARNING” the box will say, for example. “Proceeding with this process may damage your computer. Do you wish to proceed?” If you click ‘no’, or ‘cancel’ or the upper-right ‘x’, you are left with the problem you started with. If you click ‘yes,’ you get another gray box that says “you have probably damaged your computer. Do you wish to proceed?” Same deal here with the ‘no, cancel, and x’ options. So you proceed.

Another gray box. “Do you prefer to short-curcuit the hard drive, or disable all applications, your choice.” You can check either, but don’t forget that it says “Short-circuiting or disabling functions will permanently destroy extensive software and keyboard functions.” And while you are thinking that one over, a little countdown feature appears that says “Failure to choose within 20 seconds will activate memory chip erasure.”

At this point it is best to call in an experienced IT person who will tell you that your computer should not be doing these things. If you persist they will tell you that they will come to your workstation sometime later to punch you in the face.

By  |  07:15 AM ET, 07/17/2013

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