Enough to make your feet hurt

Facebook is craziness. I have a “fan page” for “fans.” They told me at work that having a “fan page” would get “fans” and “traffic” and “traffic” on the internet is a “good” thing as opposed to “everywhere else” where “traffic” is “a headache.” Why all the quote marks? Because nothing about “Facebook” seems “real” to me.

Exhibit A: THE GOUT STUDY. The GOUT STUDY is becoming an ever-more important part of my “life”, because I see it on my Facebook page EVERY DAY. Why is it there? I think it is there because I posted a humorous little comment one day about a way you can kick the bottoms of the feet of someone who is walking in front of you. Because every posting is “tracked”, and Facebook wants to “pigeon-hole” me so advertisers can “target” me with ads specially tailored to my special preferences, “feet-kicking” as far as I can tell became “gout study.” Then I did a little humorous post about the “gout study” ad on my page, and I think thereby sealed my fate forever. Okay, but explain this: the “gout study” ad, last time I “studied” it, had over SIXTY THOUSAND “likes”! What CAN THAT MEAN??

And now Facebook is “going public” which means that certain people who are not me will get rich off of my humorous little postings, and your phone-photos of you and those other semi-sober people standing next to you, and we will all be “connected” the way a bird on a wire is connected to the wire.