The Washington Post

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It is HISTORY! ANOTHER heir in line for a ceremonial something-or-other. If anything happens to Queen Elizabeth, and then if anything happens to Chahles Philip Arthur George, and then if anything happens to Wills Arthur Philip Louis, the Wee Bloke will be tenth in line behind all of them to be in charge of exactly nothing. His should ascend to the throne about the same time that rising sea levels submerge Blessed Albion, and he will need to ascend just to keep his becrowned noggin above water.

But stand back, because the American people are like tabloid paparazzi about a Royal Baby. This is not rational. It is clearly a hereditary condition, just like the job destiny of the little kinglet. It’s impossible to talk about this subject intelligently. We fancy the fancy! Do you want to discuss what our founding fathers went through to be rid of the British monarcy? Don’t bother, it isn’t done in polite company! There is no point in grumbling about it. The operative phase is “I don’t care what anybody thinks, I love the royals.” This brave position stands in defiance to the fact that everybody else loves the royals too. And why wouldn’t they?

The royals have everything that Americans are interested in. They are celebrities. Famous for being famous is just a variant on royal for having been born royal. It is considered a harmless diversion, but diversion from what? It’s not exactly like we’ve been running our King-free democracy properly and are enjoying a well-deserved ‘oliday. No, we’ve been turning our democracy over to a new aristocracy, the fabulously wealthy. Fabulous, dahling! Our own aristocracy has everything now but the titles, and just give them time on that. They already have everything money can buy, including Congress, so why not buy themselves some titles? Because they are not for sale? If you think that, oh-oh, sometimes they are! Read a little more. It’s history!

Tom Toles is the editorial cartoonist for The Post and writes the Tom Toles blog. See all of his cartoons here.


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