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Tom Toles
Posted at 07:15 AM ET, 04/20/2012

Friday rant: Can I have your attention, please, edition

Writing a blog post every day is an honor and a privilege and an unholy pain in the neck and a great exercise of the right to free speech and contribution to democracy. But in order to write something thoughtful, as it turns out, you have to have some thoughts, a complication that grows by the day. Who has that many?

Having thoughts, in turn, requires having some information, ANOTHER complication and it just goes downhill from there. The writing part! Organize those thoughts! Write coherent sentences! Remember spell check! Remember that spell check doesn’t know that you accidentally typed a homonym! Wait, there’s more! Because after the lengthy ordeal of gathering information, and thinking about it, and formulating an opinion, and formatting it into the English Language, a certain attachment to that opinion develops, nay, verily an affection, akin to love. Certainly a sense of pride and protectiveness. But then you send your masterpiece of wisdom and correct spelling out into the world of ideas, and this is where the real annoyance begins.

Because the world, as it happens, DOESN’T REALLY CARE WHAT YOU THINK! Your morsel of wisdom is immediately set upon by the piranas in the comments section! They don’t all see it the same way! And that’s only the beginning. You surf around to other sites, and OTHER PEOPLE are writing THINGS TOO! Off-topic things that don’t have anything to do with you, OR your special insight. What? There’s a new photo of Jennifer Love Hewitt with no makeup on?? Help! So what to do? Bottom line, everyone please be quiet for a while now and let me explain everything. Shhhhh! Can we declare a hiatus on new material published to the internet for, say, a week while my thoughts have a chance to sink in? Thank you. Maybe later I’ll open things up for a Q & A.

Yes? You have a question? Um, sure, Jennifer Love Hewitt looks just fine without makeup.

By  |  07:15 AM ET, 04/20/2012

 
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