On tonight’s “Dancing With the Stars” results show, a Ralph Macchio death-watch.
At the end of the evening, the actor – the only celeb who failed to pull off a perfect score during last night’s competition – is almost certainly getting booted off of the show.
That leaves 55 minutes to kill.
So, Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas re-do their rumba, eating up enough time to get us to a commercial.
After the break, we find out that Hines Ward and Kym Johnson — who got a perfect score last night — get to stick around. Duh. They do their best to look surprised.
Up in the Celebriquarium, hostess Brooke Burke asks Kirstie Alley about her relationship with hunky dance partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy. Apparently, they butt heads a lot. How does she cope? “Strangling each other and crying,” Alley says.
Hey, how about some music? Stevie Nicks belts out “Secret Love,” a song from her new record, “In Your Dreams.” Her voice is raspy. She strains to hit the high notes.
How about another tune, maybe something a little more lively? Pitbull, a rapper, performs his single “Give Me Everything” alongside crooners Ne-Yo and Nayer.
Then it’s Kane and Ballas’s turn to face the music. No surprises here — they make the cut.
Now it’s time to wheel out the spotlight segment. This week’s tearjerker is Tayla Kelley, a 13-year-old who has been diagnosed with primary immune deficiency disease. She dances a routine set to La Roux’s electro-pop jingle, “Bulletproof.”
Stevie Nicks comes back to perform, “Landslide,” from back in her Fleetwood Mac days. It’s still a good song.
Macchio’s moment draws near. He and Alley hop on stage alongside their partners and await the verdict. But first, how about another practice-space-as-celebrity-torture-chamber film montage? In one clip, Alley compares rehearsal process to childbirth. “It’s excruciating. It’s brutal,” she says. “But then a week later you say, ‘Eh, I’d have another one.’”
You have to give her some credit. Kane is a good dancer. Hines is, well, a good way to make men feel comfortable watching a show about ballroom dancing. But they’re both young and image-conscious. They keep their Celebriquarium banter as banal as possible. Alley, on the other hand, doesn’t appear to be very concerned with self-censorship. She’s 60. She’s got a couple of Emmys. She played a Vulcan on “Star Trek.” What does she have to lose?
Not “Dancing With the Stars.” At least, not tonight, anyway. “I played the underdog for so many years,” says Macchio, calling forth his last reserves of “Karate Kid” mojo. “Lets see if they root this underdog into the finals. I have some surprises if they do.”
But they don’t. Macchio is sent packing.
Photo Gallery: “Dancing With the Stars”
Last night’s performances: The final four perform
Last week’s results: Viewers save Macchio, toss Romeo