It’s the fourth results show, also the point in the season where the higher scoring couples are getting voted off – not so much because of ability, but because America is just not that into them (see: Kristin Cavallari).
After a rousing rendition of “Soul Man” by Raphael Saadiq, we see clips of celebrity audience members sharing their thoughts on last night’s performances. Dr. Phil weighs in, as does Billy Baldwin and Courteney Cox – but no Cher, even though she was definitely in attendance last night. Without Cher, why bother?
Next, a spruced-up Susan Boyle stands completely still in a platform in the middle of the ballroom and sings “Unchained Melody,” fitting in nicely with the “DWTS” dress code in a glittering jacket, while the professional dancers spin around a smoke-filled floor.
The first trio of couples takes the stage, and we get flashbacks of Rob Kardashian, who tried to emulate Superman but with a “K” on his chest. J.R. Martinez got his first semi-negative comments, while Ricki Lake trampled the competition with the first 10’s of the season from the judges.
Ricki and Derek are safe!
J.R. and Karina are safe!
Rob and Cheryl are in jeopardy.
Brooke Burke Charvet is over in the Celebriquarium, asking Chynna Phillips if her mistake-ridden performance last night (she forgot all the steps and froze) is going to haunt her forever. Brooke also grills Carson Kressley about whether he went overboard with all the props during his “Pirates of the Caribbean”-themed dance (he says no, but he’s not wearing a fake pirate beard tonight).
If you’ve noticed many, many commercials for the upcoming “Footloose” remake during the show, then you may recognize the next performer as Julianne Hough. Hough – a former “DWTS” professional dancer who left the ballroom to become a country music singer, actress, and star in Proactiv commercials – performs with her “Footloose” co-star Kenny Womald.
They somberly spin around, and then country singer/ “The Voice” judge Blake Shelton appears to liven things up with his version of the new, updated “Footloose” song that he’s singing for the movie soundtrack. Tom Bergeron appears to interview Julianne at the end of the song, and Julianne immediately starts crying about being back at home, a.k.a. the “DWTS” ballroom. It is touching, and luckily for the show, kills a few more minutes of airtime.
Next three couples: We see close-up footage of Tony talking Chynna through the steps of last night’s dance, making it looked a lot more panicked and bleeped-out than it did last night. Carson’s performance was compared to childbirth (terrible while happening, even better when it’s over). Chaz Bono and Lacey go the patriotic route, costume-wise, with the “Rocky” soundtrack, and we get more reaction shots of Cher crying.
Chaz and Lacey are safe!
Carson and Anna are safe!
Chynna and Tony are in jeopardy.
Another time-killer segment: A montage of the celebs talking about how hard it is to be on “Dancing With the Stars,” from Nancy Grace saying she thought it would only take up 20 hours a week, to Rob explaining that there’s more than just rehearsal that goes into the routines (also interviews and time in the spray tan booth, naturally).
Julianne Hough reappears, but no tears this time. She and her brother, Derek, perform flips and spins that he’ll never be able to teach his partner Ricki Lake, and they wear matching suspenders for fun.
The final three couples take the stage, but not before we see Nancy Grace promise that she won’t have any more wardrobe malfunctions. Meanwhile, flashback: David Arquette came swinging from the ceiling last night, but still got criticized. How is that fair? Hope Solo and Maks dressed up as characters from “Toy Story” to middling reviews.
Hope and Maks are safe!
David and Kym are safe!
Nancy and Tristan are in jeopardy.
Finally, it’s Rob and Cheryl vs. Chynna and Tony vs. Nancy and Tristan. Who’s safe? That would be Nancy – wearing particularly sparkly eyelashes tonight – and Tristan.
That means…Chynna and Tony are going home. Turns out you can’t forget all your steps and still stay in the competition. Still, we’ll miss random Billy Baldwin appearances in the audience.
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