We have one hour tonight to eliminate two of “The X Factor’s” eight X-testants, including a sing-off between two of lowest vote-getters, plus performances by Alicia Keys and Josh Krajcik, the runner-up in last year’s competition.
Josh, we confess, we cannot remember because, frankly, if we kept in our head all the names of all the contestants from all the singing competition shows we watch, it wouldn’t leave room for anything else -- like the names of close family members, which could lead to uncomfortable moments at holiday time, and we’ve got enough holiday family drama even when we remember their names, thank you very much.
Straight off, the very lowest vote-getter is to be eliminated. That would be Paige Thomas, the singer who the previous night was told, by Supreme Judge Simon “I’ve Sold 300 Million Records, Sweetheart” Cowell, that she had finally given a break-through performance and found her identity.
Oh, Josh Krajcik! Now we remember, the gruff-voiced, jolly fast-food chef, still gruff voiced on his number, “One Thing She’ll Never Know.”
Last night we saw the debut of Britney Spears’ new video starring will.i.am, and tonight “X Factor” co-host Mario Lopez announces that Britney is “No. 1 in the US and 16 other countries!” He doesn’t say No. 1 at what. We can tell you that she’s being vastly outpaced on YouTube by “Extremely Scary Ghost Elevator Prank in Brazil.”
Alicia Keys performs “Girl On Fire” to the beat of a Japanese-style drummer and a bunch of ninja-style dancers.
Next, Mario and co-host Khloe Kardashian Odom send all the higher vote getters to safety, one by one, including, to our surprise, Cece Frey, who apparently last night tapped into a new voting bloc: people who enjoy 19th century New Orleans bordello floorshows performed by women dressed as lampshades.
That leaves the hulking, heavily tatted Vino Alan in a sing-off against 13-year-old Diamond White, who was kind of lost last night in a Whitney Houston number that had been over-produced by Britney “Number One At Something!” Spears.
While Diamond has never ranked very high in the voting, Vino was up at one point to No. 3. Guess the public tired of his hunched-over-in-abdominal-pain stage presence.
Diamond goes first on “I Was Here” by Beyonce, and she blasts through it.
Vino once again goes with Ray LaMontagne’s “Trouble,” which is a good choice for his gravely voice. It’s a good outing for him.
The judges must now choose who goes while looking pained.
Judge LA “Why Should I Be Impartial About My Mentorees When None of the Other Judges Are” Reid hems and haws and finally votes against Diamond and in favor of his mentoree, Vino.
Britney votes against Vino and for her mentoree, Diamond.
Co-host Mario Lopez throws it to the next seat at the judges table: “Demi, you’re an impartial judge…”
Judge Demi “Proven Right About the Whole Lamp Shade Thing” Lovato votes against Vino.
That leaves the final verdict with Simon. Simon chucks Vino.
Nothing left but the final reveal – how the leaderboard stands after the vote. Last, of course, is Diamond White. The rest of the field:
5. CeCe Frey
4. Fifth Harmony, a bunch of pleasant girls who are low on personality as a group.
3. Emblem3, the surfer punks becoming a bland boy band before our eyes.
2. Tate Stevens, representing Country
1. The very gifted 13-year-old, Carly Rose Sonenclar.