"It turns out we have the real wolf of Wall Street to thank in part for the Internet we’ve got."
"Everybody kind of knows that if you ask a researcher for data from old studies, they’ll hem and haw, because they don’t know where it is."
"Everyone knows that Santa Claus is Canadian."
"Sequestration is the frozen body of Han Solo hanging on the Republicans’ palace wall."
"Eek. I realize this is an important part of the story but it's a little depressing."
"I am leaving New York City because of all of these goddamned wizards."
"I can’t even believe I’m having this debate with a Nobel Prize winner."
"And they believe, as the CMS officials I spoke with do, that all of these problems will not be addressed immediately. "
“No purchase of a mechanical bull was made by the Utah National Guard this week, nor is one contemplated at this time”
"There’s no equity, dividend or residual value in a splenectomy."
"It's a moment of extreme cognitive dissonance when the most patriotic thing you have ever seen in your American life is actually super-French."
"The potatoes should be inside the tortilla. This isn't rocket science."
"More than 2 million dehumidifiers are being recalled by a Chinese company because they are prone to catching fire, the Consumer Product Safety Commission said Thursday."