North Korea officially denounces the ‘reptile media’ for ‘jabbering’

March 15, 2013

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un (KNS/AFP/Getty Images)

Some day, I want to meet the person who translates North Korea's state propaganda into English, because that man or woman is an artist. Today's says that North Korea is definitely ready to launch a nuclear weapon at any moment so watch out, but also that the Western media is being super unfair and biased when it calls North Korea dangerous, which is just obviously not true.

Here's a choice section, written in a distinctive prose style you might call High Juche:

The important measures declared by the DPRK are a proper counteraction against the high-handed hostile actions of the U.S. imperialists and the puppet forces and their reckless moves to invade the north and ultimatum to them.

Nevertheless, the puppet forces are challenging the DPRK's measures, jabbering that they are "escalating tension" and "south Korea would strongly react to the attempt to scrap the agreements".

The puppet authorities and despicable reptile media are taking issue with the DPRK's important measures everyday, talking about "agreement of both sides", "international recognition" and the like. ...

They are the very ones and arch criminals who have systematically violated the AA and the agreements on nonaggression since the very moment they were adopted and took effect.

I do have one serious point to make about this otherwise-absurd piece of propaganda. The point of this state media editorial, to the extent that it has a point, seems to be not that North Korea is a powerful nation that will destroy its enemies, although this is certainly part of it. The point seems to be that the status quo in East Asia right now, where the U.S. and South Korea are holding joint military exercises, is too unstable. Here's the key line:

As a result, the Korean Peninsula has turned into the most dangerous hotspot in the world and a dangerous nuclear arsenal where even a spark may ignite a nuclear war.

Here's that point translated into normal English: "Boy, things sure are dangerous right now. We have nukes, you have nukes, everyone is tense. We're feeling kind of emotional, so if you want to avert a nuclear war that nobody wants, the onus is on you to calm us down."

As I've written before, North Korea's threat-mongering appears to be less about threatening to start a war than about increasing the odds of an unintended war starting accidentally, basically forcing its neighbors to calm down Pyongyang like parents giving their child a toy to stop his or her latest tantrum.

Hat tip to Mr. Adam Cathcart for the link.

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Max Fisher | March 15, 2013